AA: Hey you could have done it this way.

Me: [self talk] Ouch AA is really an asshole. [mask self] ok sure ūüôā


I notice that my interaction with AA is bothering me. I was apparently upset with her comment to me, feeling that she is trying to put me down. Not wanting to feel the humiliation so I put up a cool mask pretending that I am ok. And I thought that all is well. But no I am not well there are rage in me. As I allow myself a space to contact my rage, I realised that unconsciously I was throwing energetic thought attacks at AA. My rage part says “Who does AA think she is trying to teach me? She is a terrible person. I look down on her.” I am surprise to notice my rageful attack due to a simple comment. A part of me knows that her comment is legit. I know that it is something about me or a part of me that is hurt.

Taking a deep breathe, I stay and deepen into this. I notice that part of me look down on AA and hate her. I then realise that I had a mirror transference on her. My self hate part of me that look down on myself is transferred on her. I am shock by how behind my awareness that this is happening. Then a bigger shocker I started realising that there are many poor folks that I unconsciously transferred on them as well. This is not healthy for them and me. It is ethical of me to bring back all my attacks.

I am very sorry. Please forgive me. May you be safe and protected from internal demon and external attack.


Every day we are all transfering and projecting our thoughts on each other. Its an unconscious action but the mental attack is real. The energy will really impact ourself and others even when it is not spoken.

Housekeeping of our thoughts is ethical and healthy for you and me.

I precious

050216 J SIW 3year journey 1


Did not know how long have i wore this armour.

But it certainly is a heavy armour.

I try to remove it but it is not easy. Some joint have rusted and cannot easily come undone.

I struggled and slowly it came out.

I felt lighter and my breath became easier.

The wind on my skin is a strange sensation.

I feel cold and vulnerable. Many times i try to hide behind the pieces of that armour feeling scare.

Then the sun rises and whisper to me.

Suddenly I am ready to move ahead.


I remembered






Leap Whale

leap whale

leap whale BnW



The standard calender that most of the world¬†are using today is call the Gregorian calender. 1 calender year is the time that takes earth to¬†orbit around the sun. As the true timing of earth’s orbit around the sun is 365.256 days instead of 365 days, Gregorian calendar compensate this by having a leap year.¬†¬†A Leap year happen roughly once in every 4 years where¬†an additional day will be added. 29 February¬†is the leap day that is added to bring¬†us back to the true timing of Now. Calender a man made device to sync with the timing of the celestial movement. Is this moment not unlike an ego coming in sync with divinity.

On a leap year and during a leap day when a breaching humpback whale from the sea of emotion leaps out into a physical manifestation. It brings it’s¬†motto of “honouring your life purpose” into the true moment. The moment where perceived time is calibrated to the¬†precise moment¬†as accord¬†to¬†the celestial dance of mother earth and father sun. The birth of “honouring truth, consciousness and clarity” is in the divine time of NOW.

May this beautiful & soulful being bring forth divine strength for the journey of abyssal truth in the Now.






Goldie’s only goal is to¬†attain a¬†perfect life.

She is one focus and hard working goldfish.

It had brought her a perfect life as advertised.

Lying on her lush mattress, sun tanning and sipping on her favourite drink.

She¬†ponder, ” Why do I feel so dry?”



Heart truth

Abyssal truth


Following your heart. What does it mean?

Other then listening totally to our mind’s chattering logic to act¬†out life. One should place more emphasis on the emotions of our heart and acting life through it.


Listen to your heart. Can the heart talk?

Our heart talk in the language of emotions. As most are used to the sensation of our mind thinking, feeling our heart’s talk may be like getting used to a foreign language. Constant awareness of the sadness and joy¬†that arises from the heart integrates our knowing on what it wants. In time this will be a second nature to oneself.


Why is listening to our heart talk important?

Our heart intricately links to our soul, it talks the language of our soul. The intelligence is divine for the soul purpose of our life time. Directed by one’s¬†inner divine intelligences is a way to one’s¬†own life purpose. Everyone’s life purpose is different and it is already there in you. Seeking within is the true way to lead a real life according to¬†our soul’s plan.


Living out of sync with our heart truth?

Ever had a moment in life that a truth in you will triggered the people around, shake the current relationship with close one or even rock our love ones?

One can deny their own truth by sticking with the flow of society norm, cultural standard or basic protocol of human conduct. So that one conform to masses acceptance and pleasing the world around them, in the hope that they will not be wrong. The fear of being wrong is so huge that they deny the reality in their heart. This seems to be an easier path for a start but it may be a hollow one as one cannot feel truly fulfilled.

Denying the truth from our heart in a way deny ourself in totality. A person that deny themselves denies their real existences hence dis-empowering ¬†their own power of their authenticity. A self dis-empowered person is like a zombie in life as they are not in total connection¬†to their soul. And hence¬†they will not be on the path of their soul’s purpose.


Living in sync with our heart truth?

Being living in sync with our heart’s truth¬†set one on a journey towards one’s soul purpose. This journey will come with moment of fear and contentment, sadness¬†and¬†joy, high and low. This is¬†be like an adventure trip that our soul have sign on this package of life.

The difficult moment of the journey comes when following our heart means rocking others’ life. With one’s¬†truest intent of authenticity and compassion. One may¬†need to bared through our¬†barrier of huge fear and pain to stand tall for one’s truth. Proudly be in the skin of who we are truly. The never ending challenge, learning and fulfilment will be the ride of our life. Real fulfilment will be the rewarding juice that nourishes¬†¬†our soul.


Abyssal truth?

Communicate truth under the depth of abyssal pressure. (True strength).






At a time before homo sapiens and at a place where there is no civilisation. A golden pyramid with the Eye of Horus stand witnessing the interplay of time and space in front of the great sea of consciousness. Lying beneath the depth of darkness lies a soulful being. A mammal with a powerful gift of communication. An ancient hump back whale. It has been hibernating for the longest of time in the cold dark sea. Time passes ever so slowly and yet aeon have slip by without a hint of awakening from it.

Not only is this mammal in hibernation, the whole planet is in a deep hibernation phase. This planet is so huge¬†that¬†the day and night cycle are¬†many aeons apart. Aeons of night darkness have passed and the light of the day is approaching. First ray of light diluted the pitch black darkness slowly towards visibility. Visibility returns to the land and then slowly into¬†the sea. As the first ray of light hit on the¬†whale, its nervous¬†system was firing awakening signals throughout its massive body. It gives out a longest grunt and started twitching its body awake, its eyes slowly open. Then it started to surface itself , guided by¬†the sun’s ray which peeks into¬†the sea.

There is a blazing red kingfisher perching at the top of the pyramid. The red flame surrounding it is burning with deep passion of life. Upon sensing a big shadow ascending towards the surface of the sea, it flew over out of curiosity. Hovering itself high above the big shadow underwater, awaiting to witness something huge.

Meanwhile the whale is gaining acceleration¬†as it ascent towards the surface. It notices a bright burning red spot high up above the water, that piqued it’s curiosity. Nearing the surface of the sea at top speed, it did¬†a powerful¬†flip with¬†it’s massive tail and huge fins. It propel itself out of the sea and breach itself high up into the air, awaiting to witness something huge.

The whale breach so high up that it is a just a moment away from the kingfisher. They were both startle in awe of the magnificent of each other. Their amazing gaze last an eternity of seconds before gravity came to do them apart.

The massive whale fell back into the sea creating an explosion of sea water into this place. The first sound of awakening resonating throughout the aeon of quietness. The first dance of awakening.


The above scene came into mind when I was drawing this. In a symbolic terms it felt like at the transition of awakening, there are 2 primal force in play. Passion and power. The moment these 2 energies start to awake to each others existence. The moment they attract and seduce each other into a dance. The flame of consciousness starts to dance into life.








Frogs in a hot pot. High heat will scare them away, jumping out of the hot pot to discover other kind of life. Low heat creates a cosy environment that the frogs turn unconscious to their reality. A nice sauna with beautiful flower prints on the surface of the pot. So fearful to even move an inch and before they knew it, they are already part of the frog stew.

The frogs from the bottom of the stack are already dead but they had their living moments before. Moments where they are alive, holding on their life for their mighty frog empire. Their fear of not conforming to the masses before them made them conform to their act. Stories of folklore are passed on generation to generation and their stories slowly turn into legend. Legend states that all honourable frog with their honourable deed of ensuring the frog kingdom to stack up towards the sky. That will enable the king frog to assess the danger of the world outside their homeland(which is the pot). So that the king can save all honourable frogs.

The frogs that are still alive at the middle of the stack. They have to take the weight from the rest on the top, unhappy and unsatisfied with their lives. But their warmish environment is still comfortable enough for they to willingly hang on to the pressure. Legend has it that all honourable frog has been bestowed with the responsibilities of holding their place and upholding their stack for the frog empire.

A frog in the middle that is still alive have a thought flashing by it’s mind. “How comfortable¬†it will be to get out of this stack to relieve myself of the pressure on me”. Suddenly grimacing¬†in pain, it knows that it is having¬†an unholy thought. Paralyse in fear as it’s so called honourable part came in to instil discipline. Having such an unholy thought, I¬†am a sinner and I will have to banished all unholy thoughts and strictly hold my place in stack till the ends of my honourable life. So that I will be save.

Frogs near the top of the stack can see a glimpse of the world outside the pot at times when their views are not blocked by the body or the shit of the king frog. To them the world outside seems so strange and scarily cold. Will we be freeze to death in this strange outside world? Better wait for the king to tell us what to do. Legend have stated that our king will be able to save us. For honour, I better dispel my shameful unholy thoughts.

The king¬†frog on the other hand¬†is having a great time of its life, shitting and resting on the rest of the frogs below. I wander why are there¬†so many frogs laying below me. Maybe they are enjoying this warm cosy feeling. Well as long as they are happy, I am happy for them. Croak………….. ¬†ūüôā




Past Lives



Stories, myth and legends are bountiful expressions of spirit that live through time and space. Different dimensions, different beings and different existences are the expression of one’s soul journey.

How can we only be limited to this body and this current identity, how small is that. We are soul experiencing life as different beings, different existences in multi dimension, expressing the richness of spirit. We travel through the life and death of each of our identities, dancing to the tune of spirit.

Are there stories, dreams or myth characters that move you to bits? So attached that you feel their emotions, dreams and desires. So identified with it that you felt that character is really you. Not this current you but a you once upon a time.


I have 2 separate high definition dreams with stories that are connected and intensely heart felt to share.


1st dream:

I found myself submerge¬†under water. I was not suffocating and actually I felt rather calm and relax in water.¬†The next moment I realised that I head up to swim towards the surface of the water. There is a floating structure on the surface, I can see many multi coloured transparent looking buoy tied around the circumference of that floating structure. Those colourful buoy attracted much of my attention. Red, yellow, green and blue buoy floating to the waves on the surface. I float up to poked at the buoys, playing with them. After my curiosity was settled, I pop my head out of the water surface. I found myself almost 300 meters away from the most beautiful stretches of white untainted beach paradise. There is no people or other living being other then the vegetation on these beautiful beaches. It is a sunny day and felt like around noon as the sun is high up in the sky. I then tilted my head up to look at the sun, I saw it, it look the same. But there is this strange knowing that came through my mind. This is a time before human civilisation. Homo sapiens have not been evolved here yet. But this sun is the same sun that¬†me as a human has seen before. A very surreal moment of familiar warm sunlight caressing my skin and yet this is a time so ancient. At the corner of my vision a pyramid was spotted towering behind the vegetation on the beach, It does not feel like the one I had seen¬†in Egypt. It seems bigger and had a massive “Eye of Ra” engraving on the side facing the sea. Such a strange place of odd familiarity, why am I here, I thought.

Then I started to descend down again. Visibility under water was so clear and beautiful, the scene that I was at is miles of clear white sand and crystal clear blue sea water. In front of me was this huge underwater structure that I can only see a small portion, it felt like a huge pyramid kind of structure. Something then swam into my sight and she is the loveliest baby humpback whale. Smiling so sweetly at me. She glide towards the right side of my body and gently nudge at me, she slightly tilted her head giving me her loving smile before swimming behind me.  She is my baby. I then realised that I am a hump back whale.


2nd dream:

Looking down from the sky, I saw the back of a massive whale shark in the ocean. Then the next moment I saw a dead hump back whale beaching on an island. The water is crystal clear and the ocean is calm but there is this deep sadness in the air. Suddenly I was rewind into the moment before the death of the whale. I am viewing from under water once again, massive waves of underwater current and millions of air bubbles are created as the hump back whale and the whale shark charge and slam¬†their bodies into each other. The impact of their charging created so much under water pressure that it explode into thousands stream of undercurrent and million of air bubbles gushing out of the impact zone. Both of them stall for almost a second or two before the huge battle get started again as they swing their massive tail and flippers as weapons attacking each¬†other. Ramming their head into each other’s bodies.

A thought came in, ” What happened?”. Then ¬†in a far distance I saw¬†that familiar baby hump back whale. She seems fearful for her life. A sudden knowing flashes by, the whale shark is out to kill the baby whale¬†hence the mother¬†whale¬†is protecting it with her life.

Then my view came back to the massive fight. In a bid to protect her precious baby. The mummy whale did a breaching so high out of the surface of the sea and  back flip and slam her back into the whale shark. Then their actions stopped and there is quietness for the longest while. That flying back slam have heavily injured the whale shark and at the same time crack the backbone of the hump back whale. The injured whale shark swam away from their fighting site and the hump back laid there dying away from her injury.

Carried by the waves, the dying whale is being slowly washed up to the shores. She have no more energy to resist death and is just slowly dying away.¬†The¬†baby whale’s cries fills the water as she nudges at her mother’s huge body. Trying the¬†best to push her away from the shores, she is too small to have the strength to do that.

The sounds and feeling of her cries¬†and¬†her grieving are so overwhelming that I¬†was choked awake from my own crying. My face¬†are all wet¬†with tears but it was not only due to the grief from the baby whale. A bigger part of the grief that I¬†am experiencing is the pain and grief from the mother hump back whale. As she is lying motionlessly dead, she still feels the intense pain, grief and fear of her baby’s well being. As death do them apart, a¬†pain is unleashed from¬†a mother’s love for her baby that¬†she can no longer protect.


These 2 dreams make me wonder much. Why do I identify myself so much with that hump back whale? Why do I feel its emotion so intensely? Why do I have a knowing of it’s story in so much detail? Why are my 2 separate dreams connected in such a way? So many question that my logical mind cannot comprehend and make sense of. Allowing the curious¬†part of me to ask these questions, I am allowing more answers to come in from all my senses.

There is this huge part of me that accepts reincarnation, lives after lives and past lives. How rich is this if my hunch is right on track. How beautiful is life and how different we will each view, live and act out of our current one. If we all truly knows this secret of life. In the mean time, being open to our intuition helps to allow the flow of this mystical sense and knowing to expand. May us all be bless with the clarity of true knowing.



In love


The reflection of a fluffy cloud fleeting by a¬†quiet river. Peaceful time gently floating¬†by the lush green pastures. Cooling breeze grazing past everything in it’s path, softly caressing¬†the whisker of a orange cat. So mesmerized by the magnificence of everything that happen at this moment, the cat seems to be in a hypnotic trances of basking in all the awesomeness of being here. This moment felt like love, Divine love. Being consciously present and surrendering to the flow of life seems to allow this divine love tap to channel through. So tastefully loving and divinely exhilarating that all senses are grace¬†with a romantic sense of being in love.

Witnessing this scene during my¬†long walk on a particular day, I felt¬†very¬†thankful to my orange furry teacher for such an experiential moment of teaching on “love is everywhere”. ūüôā

Seeking love externally can only be a balanced journey when one accept, surrender and embrace the love from own self. Seeking love externally when one is not complete with self love will easily sets one on the journey of a love addict.

Breaking the cycle of love addiction requires one to cut off channels of ¬†the addiction and focus on one self. Stop, slow down, be gentle with one self to discover the divine love within one and all. When one finds and allows the divine love tap within to flow, then boredom starts to cease and excitement in life starts to spring from many¬†where. I believe¬†when one acts and embrace one’s¬†true self then one’s divine self love will flow naturally.

Being true to ourself and living on our truth is a never ending journey, as we get more and more in sync with it. We starts to experienced more and more divine love.

Staying in the present moment.

No expectation of results.

Embrace anything that comes our way.

Doing things that you feel like.

Life already had it all sorted out, just be present to experience what is to come.

Good, bad, sad, happy, ugly or beautiful is a melody that life have created for you and you only.

The universal story scripted for yours truly.

Divine love is in motion.


There is this recent¬†incident that grace me with a sample of divine love in every moment of life.¬†I particulars hated doing household chores, cleaning oily and dirty wok is top of my hate list. My family is busy with preparing the stuff for a ritual. As my siblings are busy with the cooking and arranging of stuff. I was left with cleaning the oily wok and cooking utensils. First reaction in me was the usual sucking one. Then the thought of “being present” flashes through my mind. I proceed to act accordingly by being present with the cleaning of oily wok. I started to focus on the cleaning, carefully scrubbing all the oily stain one at a time. Intense focus of scrubbing away the soil and oil from the wok sets me into a meditative trances of enjoying the moment. Peaceful time gently flow through this moment and I am enjoying this. Caressing the clean and cool¬†steel wok at the end gives me such a satisfying moment that I feel that it is all so worth it.

I felt in love with the cleaning, with the moment and with myself.

Ah I am falling in love with myself. Loving all my moments of life.









primal showdown


Yesterday evening I  pack a wonderfully done cheesy mushroom omelette to a reservoir as dinner. When I reach, the sunset is so beautiful that I had to take a photo of it. I placed my dinner bag on a bench and started to take sunset shots. Suddenly I heard someone searching through my bag holding my dinner. I turn and saw a alpha male macaque. I immediately jolt forward to snatch back my dinner. The macaque was shock for a split second and started growling and charge towards me for its dinner.

I swing my bag to whack it away. It  evaded my attack and retreated. I give chase to scare it away but after retreating near its macaque gang. It turn around and charged towards me again. I had to swing my bag violently at it to halt its move.

Then it stop to hold its ground and glare menacingly at me. We are merely a meter apart.  That intense moment kind of triggered my fight or flight response. No compassion nothing, it is just about survival. I held my ground and started glaring menacingly back at it all ready to deliver a deadly punch at it, should it pounce on me.  Our stare lasted for the longest 2 seconds. Then I turn berserk and did a huge primal roar and lunging a step forward at the same time.

This time it retreated back to the safety of the nearest bushes in double quick time. My¬†guess is that my¬†acoustic display of superiority have shook some sense into it. Animal survival 101 – never fight 1 to 1 with a bigger animal. A sense of primal victory came over me but that did not last more then 10 seconds because it’s gang of macaque are closing in on me. Realising that I am awfully outnumbered, I took refuge in¬†my car and had my dinner in it. I wasn’t that hungry but I ate every last bit of my cheesy mushroom omelette. It is my winning in my primal fight with a primate. ROAR…… ūüėõ

Looking back this unusually perilous happening seems rather symbolic.

It is about survival and lucky thing is that I won but having to hide my winning from fear of losing it.

Stay & deepen¬†…….