Me: [self talk] Ouch AA is really an asshole. [mask self] ok sure 🙂
Reflection:
I notice that my interaction with AA is bothering me. I was apparently upset with her comment to me, feeling that she is trying to put me down. Not wanting to feel the humiliation so I put up a cool mask pretending that I am ok. And I thought that all is well. But no I am not well there are rage in me. As I allow myself a space to contact my rage, I realised that unconsciously I was throwing energetic thought attacks at AA. My rage part says “Who does AA think she is trying to teach me? She is a terrible person. I look down on her.” I am surprise to notice my rageful attack due to a simple comment. A part of me knows that her comment is legit. I know that it is something about me or a part of me that is hurt.
Taking a deep breathe, I stay and deepen into this. I notice that part of me look down on AA and hate her. I then realise that I had a mirror transference on her. My self hate part of me that look down on myself is transferred on her. I am shock by how behind my awareness that this is happening. Then a bigger shocker I started realising that there are many poor folks that I unconsciously transferred on them as well. This is not healthy for them and me. It is ethical of me to bring back all my attacks.
I am very sorry. Please forgive me. May you be safe and protected from internal demon and external attack.
Realisation:
Every day we are all transfering and projecting our thoughts on each other. Its an unconscious action but the mental attack is real. The energy will really impact ourself and others even when it is not spoken.
Housekeeping of our thoughts is ethical and healthy for you and me.
Both my palms are pulsating. I dont even know when it started. Its almost like they are vibrating. What an unusual feeling that feels really good. Its like all the pores are breathing and humming deeply together. These sensations slowly spreads throughout both arms and towards my heart. Vortexes of pulsating energies gathered on my heart and both palms. I realised that i had this silly grin on my face that i cant seems to wipe off. The pulsating energies seems to be moving in waves. As the waves of energies hit a high, pleasurable moaning starts to come to life. It coupled into a synchronistic symphony with the pulsations. My heart and palm vortexes starts to open up like flower. It felt like i am basking in a continous flow of joyous energy.
Then i saw myself lying on a lush green field with plenty of little white daisy. Up above is a greek goddess serenading golden nectar of joy on me. She has beautiful blonde hair and a flower crown adorned with white daisies. The sun above her is so warm and bright that i cant open my eyes fully. Behind her stands a majestic greek temple and my heart tells me that it is my temple. I felt so touched and blessed by these abundance of estatic joy and orgasmic pleasure that i wonder if this is just a dream. Well no matter if it is a dream or not a dream. A joy is a joy is a joy. An orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm. Period. 😀
If we break a human body down to the smallest bits. We get atoms.
Be it the prostitute or the president. They are all made out of the same fundamental component. Atoms.
Nuclear fussion is the splitting of an atom. The power unleashed is unfathomable. Imagine we each holds at least 7 billion billion billion of atoms. We all pack a potential beyond what anyone can imagine.
All man have the same unimaginable potential. Like all flowers of a tree. We all bloom at our each divine moment. There is no comparison possible in the eye of god.
We are unable to classified anyone’s worth because their potential is beyond our comprehension.
Remember. We are all are equally precious and equally important!!!
Below is an event that triggered my inner child issue of self worthiness. Its the narration of my parts in proccess.
Inner Child (reptilian) : I am so angry. How can someone whom vaguely knows me demean me out of no where? That bitch is a terrible person.
Inner Guide: Relax kid. You need to cool down first.
Inner Child (reptilian) : She did a personal verbal attack on me. Who does she think she is? High and mighty? I am so gonna slam her face down.
Inner Guide: Your anger is not helping. Violence breeds violence. Returning violence with violence is never the way to a balance. For the better good please take deep breath ….
Inner Child (reptilian) : But…
Inner Guide: Breathe in ……. breathe out…… breathe in ……. breathe out…..
Inner Child (wounded): Ouch but its so painful.
Inner Guide: I hear you kid. Dont worry okay. We will get through this and heal it. Trust me.
Inner Child (wounded): Sob. I trust you.
Inner Guide: Where is the pain coming from? How do you feel?
Inner Child (wounded): I felt unworthy. I felt like my self worth have been degraded. Ouch.
Inner Guide: All man have unimaginable potential. Anyone’s worth cannot be classified based on human comparer because everyones potential are beyond human comprehension. Remember this truth and remember how beyond worthy you are.
Inner Child: That is true. But why does this person whom vaguely knows me attack me verbally in this way? Is she a sad and angry person without love in her heart?
Inner Guide: You see her actions have tiggered you to see your self worthiness issues within. Because you are aware of the wound then can you heal it. For her to do that, she have to be here at that moment. Imagine out of the infinite possible universe of manifestation. She had to follow you all the way till that moment to prick into your awareness. So that you can realised your wound within and get it heal. Is that not love from her soul?
Inner Child: You mean that she have intended to help me see my wounding so that it can be healed?
Inner Guide: Yes. Her soul definitely have that intention. Although her human form may not be clear about it at the moment.
Inner Child: But why must she used such an offensive approach? Is a gentler approach not better?
Inner Guide: Well offer a thought that her inner state then maybe as such. And also maybe your issue is so deeply buried that such approach is required.
Inner Child: That does resonate. Oh mine, she must be in pain as well. I felt sorry for her too.
Inner Guide: How are you feeling now?
Inner Child: I felt my heart opening. I felt thankful for her part for my healing. I felt sorry that she may be in pain. I felt that I want to love her more. 😀
Inner Guide: Return violence with love is a beautiful way to balance. Love breeds love 🙂
Inner Child: Dear guide i thank you for being with me. Blessing, guiding and loving me. I am indeed in the grace of love.
I have always been fearful of death. My own death. Every time when I started thinking of that moment when I die, I will be so petrified by my avalanche of fear that my physical mind will kick me out of that thought. Thinking as if not thinking will be changing something. Why am I so fearful? Is it the decomposing of my physical body? Or the burning of it?
When I die. When my physical body have been burnt into ashes. I will become a void to the world. If I still witness the world moving on and I am a void witnessing the world moving on. This felt like an eternal jail of observing without participation. This is a scary thought. Isn’t this like eternal hell? Fear of death is fear of being here but not being here.
A friend’s recent passing has brought this topic to my mind.
最近一个朋友的往生又把这问题带来我的脑海.
Lying on bed and pondering over death. What is death?
躺在床上，琢磨死亡这问题.
Looking at the clock beside and the time is 9am. My consciousness started peeking behind my fear. Thinking, asking and hoping to get clarity about death.
看着旁边的时钟,时间是上午9点. 我的意识开始勇敢的看着我的恐惧. 想了解想知道死亡的真相.
Next moment I was consciously doing something else in another world. I am identified with my persona then doing my stuff in that world of mine.
下一刻，我有意识地在另一个世界做别的事情. 我确定当时的我在我的那个世界做我的东西.
Suddenly I awoke from my dream. I turn my head and saw the time is 9.30am. I am conscious of me (JT) falling into dreamland. I am conscious of me in another persona (DT) in the dreamland. And I am now conscious of me coming back into my persona (JT) here.
It is as if my consciousness travel without skipping a beat from JT to DT and back to JT. When I was DT I do not remember JT and when I am JT I vaguely remember DT.
A sudden knowing jolt me into excitement. Hey isn’t this the truth of death.
突然一股无名的兴奋勇上心头.这不就是死亡真相吗.
When I am DT, I only remember story of DT. When I am JT, I only remember story of JT. It is as if I am the consciousness that travel through worlds and assuming different persona of bodies experiencing that world.
The line where dream becomes wake land or wake land becomes dream land is the line of death.
在DT的现实世界于JT的现实世界之间的那条线不就是死亡线.
A line where consciousness slip from one side to another side. So graceful so easy so automatic.
一条我意识穿梭于不同世界不同的角色的线. 那么容易因那么简单.
Hey if this is death I am not afraid anymore. Something is lifted in me. My baggage of fearing death may have been enlightened and relieve in a certain sense.
如果这是死，我不怕了. 害怕死亡的感觉已减少了，并在一定意义上缓解了.
A sudden joy came into me. I felt that this conscious experience has gifted me a different eye about death.
突然有一股无名喜悦. 我觉得这个有意识的经历赐予我对死亡不同的看法.
Fearing death is like trapping our consciousness on either side of dream land or wake land when we have not even reaches that line.
担心死亡就像是把我们的意识钉死.
It’s a silly self-created pain trap imagining the line of death is the loss of our consciousness awhile we observe on.
以为死亡带来的是没有身体的意识状态.这是一个愚蠢的自我创造的疼痛陷阱想.
The truth is that we automatically transit our consciousness from one world to another world. From dreamland to wake land or wake land to dream land. This land to other land or to many land.
事实是，我们自动迁移我们的意识从一个世界到另一个世界. 从这个世界到那个世界.
Sometimes knowing and not really remembering. Sometimes not knowing and sometimes knowing it all of what beautiful life we have lead on the other side.
前世的事故有些没有真正记住, 有些完全真正记住, 有些完全没记住.
Our conscious on our dreamland is the conscious of our wake land. It’s the eternal soul that travels through all the magical world of spirit.
我们在梦境的意识也是我们醒时的意识. 我们的意识是我们的灵魂. 穿梭于不同世界不同的角色的大我.
Being fearful of death isn’t it the trap that stop one from living this moment. The real moment is where our consciousness resides.
怕死亡.是一个阻止我们意识活在当下的陷阱. 当下是我们意识的最佳地点.
Living this moment on where the real magic is.
当下是我们意识点石成金的最佳地点.
Death is like waking up to a world and sleeping into another world. Nothing is lost. Consciousness goes on. The physicality of the worlds is gone but only for this moment where our consciousness is on another plane witnessing another magic of that world. Consciousness goes on.
死亡就像是醒来的世界和睡眠时进入了另一个世界. 不会丢失. 我们意识就是我们不灭的灵魂. 之前世界的肉体消失了，但只在这个时刻，我们的意识只是到另一个世界另一个肉体目睹游玩.
The death fear melt away like an ice cream under the burning sun.
The standard calender that most of the world are using today is call the Gregorian calender. 1 calender year is the time that takes earth to orbit around the sun. As the true timing of earth’s orbit around the sun is 365.256 days instead of 365 days, Gregorian calendar compensate this by having a leap year. A Leap year happen roughly once in every 4 years where an additional day will be added. 29 February is the leap day that is added to bring us back to the true timing of Now. Calender a man made device to sync with the timing of the celestial movement. Is this moment not unlike an ego coming in sync with divinity.
On a leap year and during a leap day when a breaching humpback whale from the sea of emotion leaps out into a physical manifestation. It brings it’s motto of “honouring your life purpose” into the true moment. The moment where perceived time is calibrated to the precise moment as accord to the celestial dance of mother earth and father sun. The birth of “honouring truth, consciousness and clarity” is in the divine time of NOW.
May this beautiful & soulful being bring forth divine strength for the journey of abyssal truth in the Now.
