AA: Hey you could have done it this way.

Me: [self talk] Ouch AA is really an asshole. [mask self] ok sure 🙂


I notice that my interaction with AA is bothering me. I was apparently upset with her comment to me, feeling that she is trying to put me down. Not wanting to feel the humiliation so I put up a cool mask pretending that I am ok. And I thought that all is well. But no I am not well there are rage in me. As I allow myself a space to contact my rage, I realised that unconsciously I was throwing energetic thought attacks at AA. My rage part says “Who does AA think she is trying to teach me? She is a terrible person. I look down on her.” I am surprise to notice my rageful attack due to a simple comment. A part of me knows that her comment is legit. I know that it is something about me or a part of me that is hurt.

Taking a deep breathe, I stay and deepen into this. I notice that part of me look down on AA and hate her. I then realise that I had a mirror transference on her. My self hate part of me that look down on myself is transferred on her. I am shock by how behind my awareness that this is happening. Then a bigger shocker I started realising that there are many poor folks that I unconsciously transferred on them as well. This is not healthy for them and me. It is ethical of me to bring back all my attacks.

I am very sorry. Please forgive me. May you be safe and protected from internal demon and external attack.


Every day we are all transfering and projecting our thoughts on each other. Its an unconscious action but the mental attack is real. The energy will really impact ourself and others even when it is not spoken.

Housekeeping of our thoughts is ethical and healthy for you and me.

U & I



Cafe chilling on a cloudy tuesday afternoon.

Deeply plug into my audio book

Pondering on when the past is the present.

The espresso aroma seduces me to take sip from my red cup of cappucino.

As i took up my red cup, I notices a strange sighting of raining green flashes outside.

Thousands of leaves jump off a tall tree and freefall like raining leaves.

Its so beautiful a sight that my eyes refuse to look away.

When the show is over, i look around to see if anyone shares this magical moment with me.

No one seems to be particularly engross in this magic moment like me.

Its seems like we are all living in the same moment while experiencing a different reality.

Is this the result of past conditioning affecting all our present experiences?

Same same but different. Same reality but different experiences.

How is true communication of U & I possible when U & I are still wearing lens created from our past?

Maybe a newer lens should be created.


Mmmh… that espresso aroma is seducing me again. Where is my red cup?


I precious

050216 J SIW 3year journey 1


Did not know how long have i wore this armour.

But it certainly is a heavy armour.

I try to remove it but it is not easy. Some joint have rusted and cannot easily come undone.

I struggled and slowly it came out.

I felt lighter and my breath became easier.

The wind on my skin is a strange sensation.

I feel cold and vulnerable. Many times i try to hide behind the pieces of that armour feeling scare.

Then the sun rises and whisper to me.

Suddenly I am ready to move ahead.


I remembered






Truth of Death

Truth of death (b&w)

Truth of death (C)


I have always been fearful of death. My own death. Every time when I started thinking of that moment when I die, I will be so petrified by my avalanche of fear that my physical mind will kick me out of that thought. Thinking as if not thinking will be changing something.  Why am I so fearful? Is it the decomposing of my physical body? Or the burning of it?

我一直在害怕死亡. 我自己的死亡. 每当我开始想起我死的那一刻,恐惧会将我这思想踢出我脑袋.好像不想就会没这事. 为什么我这么害怕? 是因为死了我的身体的分解吗? 或者是害怕它的燃烧?


When I die. When my physical body have been burnt into ashes. I will become a void to the world. If I still witness the world moving on and I am a void witnessing the world moving on. This felt like an eternal jail of observing without participation. This is a scary thought. Isn’t this like eternal hell? Fear of death is fear of being here but not being here.

当我死了. 当我的身体被烧毁成灰烬时. 我会成为一个空白. 如果我还见证着世界的运行,没有身体而见证着世界的运行.这感觉就像没有参与只观察的一个永恒的监狱. 这是一个可怕的想法. 这不是像永久的地狱吗? 对死亡的恐惧似乎是害怕不在这里,但被锁在这里.


A friend’s recent passing has brought this topic to my mind.



Lying on bed and pondering over death. What is death?



Looking at the clock beside and the time is 9am. My consciousness started peeking behind my fear. Thinking, asking and hoping to get clarity about death.

看着旁边的时钟,时间是上午9点. 我的意识开始勇敢的看着我的恐惧. 想了解想知道死亡的真相.


Next moment I was consciously doing something else in another world. I am identified with my persona then doing my stuff in that world of mine.

下一刻,我有意识地在另一个世界做别的事情. 我确定当时的我在我的那个世界做我的东西.


Suddenly I awoke from my dream. I turn my head and saw the time is 9.30am. I am conscious of me (JT) falling into dreamland. I am conscious of me in another persona (DT) in the dreamland. And I am now conscious of me coming back into my persona (JT) here.

突然,我从梦中惊醒. 我看到的时间是上午9:30. 我意识到我( JT)落入梦乡. 我意识到我在梦境另一个角色(DT ). 而我现在意识到我回来了我的角色( JT)这里.


It is as if my consciousness travel without skipping a beat from JT to DT and back to JT. When I was DT I do not remember JT and when I am JT I vaguely remember DT.



A sudden knowing jolt me into excitement. Hey isn’t this the truth of death.



When I am DT, I only remember story of DT. When I am JT, I only remember story of JT. It is as if I am the consciousness that travel through worlds and assuming different persona of bodies experiencing that world.

当我是DT时 ,我只记得DT的故事. 当我是JT时 ,我也只记得JT的故事. 这好像是我的意识,穿梭于不同的世界旅行和承担不同的角色体验不同的世界.


The line where dream becomes wake land or wake land becomes dream land is the line of death.



A line where consciousness slip from one side to another side. So graceful so easy so automatic.

一条我意识穿梭于不同世界不同的角色的线. 那么容易因那么简单.


Hey if this is death I am not afraid anymore. Something is lifted in me. My baggage of fearing death may have been enlightened and relieve in a certain sense.

如果这是死,我不怕了. 害怕死亡的感觉已减少了,并在一定意义上缓解了.


A sudden joy came into me. I felt that this conscious experience has gifted me a different eye about death.

突然有一股无名喜悦. 我觉得这个有意识的经历赐予我对死亡不同的看法.


Fearing death is like trapping our consciousness on either side of dream land or wake land when we have not even reaches that line.



It’s a silly self-created pain trap imagining the line of death is the loss of our consciousness awhile we observe on.



The truth is that we automatically transit our consciousness from one world to another world. From dreamland to wake land or wake land to dream land. This land to other land or to many land.

事实是,我们自动迁移我们的意识从一个世界到另一个世界. 从这个世界到那个世界.


Sometimes knowing and not really remembering. Sometimes not knowing and sometimes knowing it all of what beautiful life we have lead on the other side.

前世的事故有些没有真正记住, 有些完全真正记住, 有些完全没记住.


Our conscious on our dreamland is the conscious of our wake land. It’s the eternal soul that travels through all the magical world of spirit.

我们在梦境的意识也是我们醒时的意识. 我们的意识是我们的灵魂. 穿梭于不同世界不同的角色的大我.


Being fearful of death isn’t it the trap that stop one from living this moment. The real moment is where our consciousness resides.

怕死亡.是一个阻止我们意识活在当下的陷阱. 当下是我们意识的最佳地点.


Living this moment on where the real magic is.



Death is like waking up to a world and sleeping into another world. Nothing is lost. Consciousness goes on. The physicality of the worlds is gone but only for this moment where our consciousness is on another plane witnessing another magic of that world. Consciousness goes on.

死亡就像是醒来的世界和睡眠时进入了另一个世界. 不会丢失. 我们意识就是我们不灭的灵魂. 之前世界的肉体消失了,但只在这个时刻,我们的意识只是到另一个世界另一个肉体目睹游玩.
The death fear melt away like an ice cream under the burning sun.


Love this moment.



Gratitude to divine’s gift of clarity.



Strength of Life

Strength of life


The bathroom sink.

Our daily place of waste disposal.

Brushing teeth, washing hands and face.

Our daily ritual of clearing our unwanted down the waste of the sink.

Deep within the dark alley of the waste, is the remains of unwanted unloved stuff.

The place of death where life is unthinkable.








And yet a plant grew from the remains of death.

Yes it grew from the remains of death.

Yes it grew out of the dark alley and popping it’s head in search of light.

I am in awe with it’s strength of life.






I ponder at it’s journey.

Did it cried in fear when everything seems like death and when there is no clarity?

Did it just trust it’s instinct or it’s life purpose?

Growing as accord to it’s purpose of finding light out of the waste of the sink.

At times it must have been crying in fear during the darkness in the alley of the waste. Feeling lost.

At times it must have been brave in spite of fear through the death zone. Trusting inner guidance.








It has found light and it’s a major celebration. A pat on the back for it’s hero’s journey.

It’s journey that found life and radiating life lessons for the other being that witness it’s moment of triumph.

I for one have been touched by it’s teaching of life lesson.

Small yet almighty. I give thanks to it for the teaching.






It may survive longer or it may not.

Importantly it has already bring lessons so great to many that it may not even know.

The seed of life have already blossom into the flower of life.

For now I smile to it in celebration of this moment of triumph.

May what will be will be. 😀














Healing Light


I am good & I am done.

The healing work before brings me calm.

More healing will be fun.

Hope for healing & blessing to come.


Hey why is there a tinge of anger in my air.

Hey why is there a pool of jealousy drowning me.

Hey why is there an army of insecurities breaking me.

Help am I in living hell…







An angel appeared before I died.

She look at me with assuring eyes.

“Healing light let one see our shit around.”

“Do cleansing on those shit found.”

“Till the shit are cleared will a greater light be shone.”

“Then comes more shit where one have not yet found.”

“To the day when one have cleanse all ground.”


Here we go again 🙂









In the world of gods and demi gods. In a society of advance civilisation, living at the fore front of evolution. At the peak of consciousness awakening in all of the universe, we are just one step shy of total awakening. I am the captain of the elite team of protector. Protector for our civilisation, our people and our king.

Today is an extremely joyous day as we reach a new frontier in our evolutionary advancement. We are unveiling our state of the art new fighter spacecraft to the universe. This new spacecraft once merge with a pilot will have the energy capacity of the sun. Imagine the full power of the sun being directed by a single pilot. This will be a showcase of the awesome advancement of our civilisation. I feel so proud to be a part of this.

My moment of blissful thoughts was being jolted to the present moment from a sudden sounding of a messenger. The messenger came forth to inform that our King had called for me.

The interior of the King’s palace is adorn with intricate architecture of gold and silver. The opulence and extravagance of the design and sheer magnitude exudes the sense of awe to all. My King is already at his throne awaiting. I reached before him and kneel in respect to his sacredness.

“Raised Captain, you have been chosen to pilot our newest spacecraft codename GARUDA.” “You are to showcase our pride on our civilisation’s evolutionary advancement to all of the universe.” “Go forth and do me proud, captain.” Said the King.

Then I was brought to the golden chamber hosting GARUDA, it is there shining with great pride. I was touched by the grace of my King bestowing the greatest gift of my life. To merge and pilot GARUDA is the greatest honour that anyone in our land can have. That moment I vowed to protect, serve and do honour for my King, my people and our civilisation with my all of my life and soul.

I places my hand on GARUDA and it opens up a portal for me. I went inside to allow merging to be initiated. Immediately the surged of power going through all of my different levels of body got me totally overwhelmed. The intensity of its potential  is wildly beyond my wildest imagination. My physical, emotional, mental, astral, etheric, celestial and ketheric body went into a power overwhelming state. The merging brought to me the true knowing of the magnitude of real power of the sun. Our merging took the longest while and finally we are ready to showcase the pride of our civilisation. I am ready.

In the speed of light I have surge out of our homeland towards the sun. The sheer mass and power of the sun felt intimidating. But the surge of power within GARUDA is so overwhelming that everything seems possible. We decided to shut down the sun’s light for a fleeting moment to showcase to the universe of our evolutionary advancement. I will gather all the power within GARUDA to stop all of the sun’s light ray for a moment. It took a long moment for me to fully charged up GARUDA and when it hit peak power. We unleashed a thunder bolt of energy so intensely powerful that it stop all of the sun’s ray from shining out. That instance the sun turn pitch black.

It work. A huge sense of honour runs through my body, shining the pride of our civilisation. As celebration of achievement and pride run through my mind, I saw energy cracks appearing in the black sun. This phenomenon does not look right. My eyes are wide open as the sun exploded. The explosion is so loud that I am deaf to it. The explosion is so bright that I am blinded to it. Time starts to slow down as I witness the destruction of the sun, the explosion also destroyed the planets around and even my homeland. Everything is destroyed, my homeland, civilisation, people and King. Death is everywhere. As I float motionlessly in space a black hole of guilt, sorrow and hollowness chokes me awake.

Suddenly my eyes are wide open realising that I was awaken from an intense dream.








Fear & Courage

emperor new clothes


The emperor’s new clothes is a short tale by Hans Christian Andersen. Below is it’s plot from wikipedia.

A vain Emperor who cares about nothing except wearing and displaying clothes hires two swindlers who promise him the finest, best suit of clothes from a fabric invisible to anyone who is unfit for his position or “hopelessly stupid”. The Emperor’s ministers cannot see the clothing themselves, but pretend that they can for fear of appearing unfit for their positions and the Emperor does the same. Finally the swindlers report that the suit is finished, they mime dressing him and the Emperor marches in procession before his subjects. The townsfolk play along with the pretense, not wanting to appear unfit for their positions or stupid. Then a child in the crowd, too young to understand the desirability of keeping up the pretense, blurts out that the Emperor is wearing nothing at all and the cry is taken up by others. The Emperor cringes, suspects the assertion is true, but continues the procession.


This is such a great tale with rich teachings. To me it is a symbolic story about fear & courage. The emperor is fearful of facing his truth. In search of his passion for vanity he was swindled and to protect his fear of being look upon as stupid, vain and in shame. He can go through a phase of anger where his ministers or subjects whom dares to laugh at him will be dealt with. The emperor has a high responsibility and therefore high power. Hence an angry emperor will caused fear in his ministers and subjects. In fear of their current comfort, stability and life, they will closed their eyes, their mouth and their ears to the reality of truth.

As the young boy started laughing at the emperor for being naked, the rest of the people watches on in horror. So petrified by the possible repercussion of the emperor’s rage.  The truth has been brought out by that young boy.

At this moment shame, guilt and fear is overwhelming everyone especially the emperor.

Will he cover his fear by anger and silence all whom had triggered him or by pretending that the boy is insane?

Or will he have the courage to acknowledge his fear by ending his procession and dealing with his swindlers?


When face with fearful situations, one can either pretend that it is not there, be angry with something else or brave through towards the source to heal it. The journey from fear to courage are everywhere in life. But the one that we are passionate about is always worth the journey through the shame, guilt and fear. Being courageous for our own truth is a great way to start any moment.



Parallax Error (he)

Parallax Error (she)


If seeing is believing then true communication is at its primitive form. Parallax error describes a reality that is different from what one sees at pure sight. Parallax error is not subjected only to visual, it can be translated into our other senses. Imagine when all sensing errors adds up to an avalanching mismatch to reality, one will easily lost our grounding.

In the context of love and sex (creation), human society came up with marriage to bind all these expression into a box. To contain these powerful energies from 2 individuals in a box of marriage is not easy but I guess necessary to create a certain society order.  The individual’s own parallax error to reality creates another set of uncertainty into this box. Highly charged and unstable energies can easily explode the box or numb itself so much that the box turn cold into an implosion. Is our current pursuit of marrying our energy of love and sex an ideal way for our evolution?

Looking at love per se. Love is an universal expression of enjoyment and affection. One have the capacity to love a lot and much more. Embracing and loving of everything seems possible. That only means that directing love on only a singular point is albeit to forcing an energy so wide and diverse to a containment. That does not feel natural.

Looking at sex per se. It is fundamentally an universal energy of creation. As we humans currently comes in dual forms, nature has it that male and female have a part to play in this expression to harness this energy to the birth of a new existences. Our bodies are build to the attunement for the longing of sex. In a sense when it wasn’t functioning that purpose in life then isn’t it in conflict with nature. This felt like a flower bud that was not allowed to flower. How constricted and sad is this?

Hence boxing love and sex into a package rather then allowing them to express as individual expression may seems to create an unstable box of marriage. And I ponder whether this man conceived structure of marriage is a suitable vehicle for current and future evolution of mankind. With the increases of awareness one may see that marriage structure is fear based by default. It subjects and exercise control on 2 individuals in the name of man conceive sacredness. Controlling and conforming their energy of love and sex in a way in to a box. Creating an order out of this naturally uncontrollable interplay of energies of the 2 sexes seems an impossible task.

Natural selection and sexual selection is nature’s way of exercising its influence to create a natural flow for all species. Conscious awakening may be Mother nature’s way of selection for human. Critical mass awakening may create a situation where mass consciousness starts to see the fallacy to our age old approached to our society order and structure. Expression of love, sex and definition of marriage may be one of them.

Conscious awakening enable one to realised one’s parallax error and at the same time realised others’ in the similar situation. Being in consistent awareness of self, do one starts to realise oneself deeper. Through the realising comes the knowing which will give birth to newer realisation, to which one will start a motion of conscious evolution.

Borrowing a quote. Lets “Stay hungry, stay foolish”.