Many years ago.
A 9 years old was with an angry father in a room. Sensing his impending danger, the child screams for help and pleading for his life. The angry eyes of the man just became angrier. There will not be mercy, there will only be the pain of the punishment. The man started shouting at the child. “Why are you so lazy!”. “Why are you getting 70 marks for spelling!”. “Why do you have to make me so angry that I have to punished you!”. “Stop screaming!”.
The child started running around the room for escape but found the door locked. Outside the door are his mother and grandmother pleading mercy for him. His fear was exacerbate by his powerless saviours. Then he notice a stinging pain on his leg. The man started canning him. The shock and pain startled him and he scramble to escape. Screaming in fear for mercy. The man cornered him and shouted. ” The more you scream or run the more painful this will be!”. Facing the towering threat, massive fear paralyse his small body. There was no voice or movement but a torrential rain of canning. Pain overload his senses till he was frozen. Dried rivers of tear, whimper of shame, lashes of cane print and a bleeding cane mark on a ankle is the remainder of the aftermath.
The angry man left the room and his 2 powerless saviour rushes in to soothes any fear or pain. The caring words and soothing medication does little. Little did they know, the child have already frozen his fear, helplessness, pain and shame of the mad moment into a part of himself.
Many years later.
At an inner studies workshop. A man was deepening into himself to identify his lower self. He identified with manipulator, conformist, blockage and defeat in him. As he deepens he realised that his conformist is his defence mechanism to manipulate others, so that he will not faced with tough and fearful situation. He discover that he has been living as a conformist throughout his life. That means he have not live authentically. Suddenly a childhood memories flashes through. The one that he was caned by his father in a locked room. A huge grief and pain overwhelm him into tears. There is a knowing that his life till now has been orchestrated by this frozen child. The fear, helplessness, pain and shame that have been freeze into a part of him that yearns safety and have devise those lower self characters.
Having the clarity this man is ready to go deeper into healing this frozen child part. As his parent and grandparent have already pass on. His teacher and guides ask him what will he tell them if they are in front of him. Tears started overflowing as an impending energies from the thawing frozen part seems to be unleashing. He shouted out with full anger and rage ” I HATE YOU!”. With that he collapsed into an avalanche of pain, shame and helpless crying. These seems to be a released of the emotions that is frozen when he was a child.
Suddenly he was awaken to the big hole in his heart. Green slimy juice of bitterness is flowing out of it. It was a terrible feeling. But there is a knowing that this is the start of his healing process. The heart will never know love when it is filled with bitterness.