U & I



Cafe chilling on a cloudy tuesday afternoon.

Deeply plug into my audio book

Pondering on when the past is the present.

The espresso aroma seduces me to take sip from my red cup of cappucino.

As i took up my red cup, I notices a strange sighting of raining green flashes outside.

Thousands of leaves jump off a tall tree and freefall like raining leaves.

Its so beautiful a sight that my eyes refuse to look away.

When the show is over, i look around to see if anyone shares this magical moment with me.

No one seems to be particularly engross in this magic moment like me.

Its seems like we are all living in the same moment while experiencing a different reality.

Is this the result of past conditioning affecting all our present experiences?

Same same but different. Same reality but different experiences.

How is true communication of U & I possible when U & I are still wearing lens created from our past?

Maybe a newer lens should be created.


Mmmh… that espresso aroma is seducing me again. Where is my red cup?


I precious

050216 J SIW 3year journey 1


Did not know how long have i wore this armour.

But it certainly is a heavy armour.

I try to remove it but it is not easy. Some joint have rusted and cannot easily come undone.

I struggled and slowly it came out.

I felt lighter and my breath became easier.

The wind on my skin is a strange sensation.

I feel cold and vulnerable. Many times i try to hide behind the pieces of that armour feeling scare.

Then the sun rises and whisper to me.

Suddenly I am ready to move ahead.


I remembered






Facets of Mercy

Facets of Mercy


Betrayal are too painful for me to breathe.

Rejection are too sad for me to listen.

Judgement are too overwhelming for me to feel.

Guilt are too bitter for me to taste.

Violent world is too much for me to witness.

I just want to hide, surrender and waste away.







Look inside
There’s a goddess
If you reach into your soul


A facet of mercy live within each of us.

Have we met?




Both my palms are pulsating. I dont even know when it started. Its almost like they are vibrating. What an unusual feeling that feels really good. Its like all the pores are breathing and humming deeply together. These sensations slowly spreads throughout both arms and towards my heart. Vortexes of pulsating energies gathered on my heart and both palms. I realised that i had this silly grin on my face that i cant seems to wipe off. The pulsating energies seems to be moving in waves. As the waves of energies hit a high, pleasurable moaning starts to come to life. It coupled into a synchronistic symphony with the pulsations. My heart and palm vortexes starts to open up like flower. It felt like i am basking in a continous flow of joyous energy.

Then i saw myself lying on a lush green field with plenty of little white daisy. Up above is a greek goddess serenading golden nectar of joy on me. She has beautiful blonde hair and a flower crown adorned with white daisies. The sun above her is so warm and bright that i cant open my eyes fully. Behind her stands a majestic greek temple and my heart tells me that it is my temple. I felt so touched and blessed by these abundance of estatic joy  and orgasmic pleasure that i wonder if this is just a dream. Well no matter if it is a dream or not a dream. A joy is a joy is a joy. An orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm. Period. 😀

Self Worth

self worth


Is a prostitute any less worthy then a president? 

If we break a human body down to the smallest bits. We get atoms.

Be it the prostitute or the president. They are all made out of the same fundamental component. Atoms.

Nuclear fussion is the splitting of an atom. The power unleashed is unfathomable. Imagine we each holds at least 7 billion billion billion of atoms. We all pack a potential beyond what anyone can imagine.

All man have the same unimaginable potential. Like all flowers of a tree. We all bloom at our each divine moment. There is no comparison possible in the eye of god.

We are unable to classified anyone’s worth because their potential is beyond our comprehension.

Remember. We are all are equally precious and equally important!!!



Below is an event that triggered my inner child issue of self worthiness. Its the narration of my parts in proccess.

Inner Child (reptilian) : I am so angry. How can someone whom vaguely knows me demean me out of no where?  That bitch is a terrible person.

Inner Guide: Relax kid. You need to cool down first.

Inner Child (reptilian) : She did a personal verbal attack on me. Who does she think she is? High and mighty? I am so gonna slam her face down.

Inner Guide: Your anger is not helping. Violence breeds violence. Returning violence with violence is never the way to a balance. For the better good please take deep breath ….

Inner Child (reptilian) : But…

Inner Guide: Breathe in ……. breathe out…… breathe in ……. breathe out…..

Inner Child (wounded): Ouch but its so painful.

Inner Guide: I hear you kid. Dont worry okay. We will get through this and heal it. Trust me.

Inner Child (wounded): Sob. I trust you.

Inner Guide: Where is the pain coming from? How do you feel?

Inner Child (wounded): I felt unworthy. I felt like my self worth have been degraded. Ouch.

Inner Guide: All man have unimaginable potential. Anyone’s worth cannot be classified based on human comparer because everyones potential are beyond human comprehensionRemember this truth and remember how beyond worthy you are.

Inner Child: That is true. But why does this person whom vaguely knows me attack me verbally in this way? Is she a sad and angry person without love in her heart?

Inner Guide: You see her actions have tiggered you to see your self worthiness issues within.  Because you are aware of the wound then can you heal it. For her to do that, she have to be here at that moment. Imagine out of the infinite possible universe of manifestation. She had to follow you all the way till that moment to prick into your awareness. So that you can realised your wound within and get it heal. Is that not love from her soul?

Inner Child: You mean that she have intended to help me see my wounding so that it can be healed?

Inner Guide: Yes. Her soul definitely have that intention. Although her human form may not be clear about it at the moment.

Inner Child: But why must she used such an offensive approach? Is a gentler approach not better?

Inner Guide: Well offer a thought that her inner state then maybe as such. And also maybe your issue is so deeply buried that such approach is required.

Inner Child: That does resonate. Oh mine, she must be in pain as well. I felt sorry for her too.

Inner Guide: How are you feeling now?

Inner Child:  I felt my heart opening. I felt thankful for her part for my healing. I felt sorry that she may be in pain. I felt that I want to love her more. 😀

Inner Guide: Return violence with love is a beautiful way to balance. Love breeds love 🙂

Inner Child: Dear guide i thank you for being with me. Blessing, guiding and loving me. I am indeed in the grace of love.

Inner Guide: 😀



Thank You Kwan Yin. Love you.

Truth of Death

Truth of death (b&w)
Truth of death (C)


I have always been fearful of death. My own death. Every time when I started thinking of that moment when I die, I will be so petrified by my avalanche of fear that my physical mind will kick me out of that thought. Thinking as if not thinking will be changing something.  Why am I so fearful? Is it the decomposing of my physical body? Or the burning of it?

我一直在害怕死亡. 我自己的死亡. 每当我开始想起我死的那一刻,恐惧会将我这思想踢出我脑袋.好像不想就会没这事. 为什么我这么害怕? 是因为死了我的身体的分解吗? 或者是害怕它的燃烧?


When I die. When my physical body have been burnt into ashes. I will become a void to the world. If I still witness the world moving on and I am a void witnessing the world moving on. This felt like an eternal jail of observing without participation. This is a scary thought. Isn’t this like eternal hell? Fear of death is fear of being here but not being here.

当我死了. 当我的身体被烧毁成灰烬时. 我会成为一个空白. 如果我还见证着世界的运行,没有身体而见证着世界的运行.这感觉就像没有参与只观察的一个永恒的监狱. 这是一个可怕的想法. 这不是像永久的地狱吗? 对死亡的恐惧似乎是害怕不在这里,但被锁在这里.


A friend’s recent passing has brought this topic to my mind.



Lying on bed and pondering over death. What is death?



Looking at the clock beside and the time is 9am. My consciousness started peeking behind my fear. Thinking, asking and hoping to get clarity about death.

看着旁边的时钟,时间是上午9点. 我的意识开始勇敢的看着我的恐惧. 想了解想知道死亡的真相.


Next moment I was consciously doing something else in another world. I am identified with my persona then doing my stuff in that world of mine.

下一刻,我有意识地在另一个世界做别的事情. 我确定当时的我在我的那个世界做我的东西.


Suddenly I awoke from my dream. I turn my head and saw the time is 9.30am. I am conscious of me (JT) falling into dreamland. I am conscious of me in another persona (DT) in the dreamland. And I am now conscious of me coming back into my persona (JT) here.

突然,我从梦中惊醒. 我看到的时间是上午9:30. 我意识到我( JT)落入梦乡. 我意识到我在梦境另一个角色(DT ). 而我现在意识到我回来了我的角色( JT)这里.


It is as if my consciousness travel without skipping a beat from JT to DT and back to JT. When I was DT I do not remember JT and when I am JT I vaguely remember DT.



A sudden knowing jolt me into excitement. Hey isn’t this the truth of death.



When I am DT, I only remember story of DT. When I am JT, I only remember story of JT. It is as if I am the consciousness that travel through worlds and assuming different persona of bodies experiencing that world.

当我是DT时 ,我只记得DT的故事. 当我是JT时 ,我也只记得JT的故事. 这好像是我的意识,穿梭于不同的世界旅行和承担不同的角色体验不同的世界.


The line where dream becomes wake land or wake land becomes dream land is the line of death.



A line where consciousness slip from one side to another side. So graceful so easy so automatic.

一条我意识穿梭于不同世界不同的角色的线. 那么容易因那么简单.


Hey if this is death I am not afraid anymore. Something is lifted in me. My baggage of fearing death may have been enlightened and relieve in a certain sense.

如果这是死,我不怕了. 害怕死亡的感觉已减少了,并在一定意义上缓解了.


A sudden joy came into me. I felt that this conscious experience has gifted me a different eye about death.

突然有一股无名喜悦. 我觉得这个有意识的经历赐予我对死亡不同的看法.


Fearing death is like trapping our consciousness on either side of dream land or wake land when we have not even reaches that line.



It’s a silly self-created pain trap imagining the line of death is the loss of our consciousness awhile we observe on.



The truth is that we automatically transit our consciousness from one world to another world. From dreamland to wake land or wake land to dream land. This land to other land or to many land.

事实是,我们自动迁移我们的意识从一个世界到另一个世界. 从这个世界到那个世界.


Sometimes knowing and not really remembering. Sometimes not knowing and sometimes knowing it all of what beautiful life we have lead on the other side.

前世的事故有些没有真正记住, 有些完全真正记住, 有些完全没记住.


Our conscious on our dreamland is the conscious of our wake land. It’s the eternal soul that travels through all the magical world of spirit.

我们在梦境的意识也是我们醒时的意识. 我们的意识是我们的灵魂. 穿梭于不同世界不同的角色的大我.


Being fearful of death isn’t it the trap that stop one from living this moment. The real moment is where our consciousness resides.

怕死亡.是一个阻止我们意识活在当下的陷阱. 当下是我们意识的最佳地点.


Living this moment on where the real magic is.



Death is like waking up to a world and sleeping into another world. Nothing is lost. Consciousness goes on. The physicality of the worlds is gone but only for this moment where our consciousness is on another plane witnessing another magic of that world. Consciousness goes on.

死亡就像是醒来的世界和睡眠时进入了另一个世界. 不会丢失. 我们意识就是我们不灭的灵魂. 之前世界的肉体消失了,但只在这个时刻,我们的意识只是到另一个世界另一个肉体目睹游玩.
The death fear melt away like an ice cream under the burning sun.


Love this moment.



Gratitude to divine’s gift of clarity.



Leap Whale

leap whale
leap whale BnW



The standard calender that most of the world are using today is call the Gregorian calender. 1 calender year is the time that takes earth to orbit around the sun. As the true timing of earth’s orbit around the sun is 365.256 days instead of 365 days, Gregorian calendar compensate this by having a leap year.  A Leap year happen roughly once in every 4 years where an additional day will be added. 29 February is the leap day that is added to bring us back to the true timing of Now. Calender a man made device to sync with the timing of the celestial movement. Is this moment not unlike an ego coming in sync with divinity.

On a leap year and during a leap day when a breaching humpback whale from the sea of emotion leaps out into a physical manifestation. It brings it’s motto of “honouring your life purpose” into the true moment. The moment where perceived time is calibrated to the precise moment as accord to the celestial dance of mother earth and father sun. The birth of “honouring truth, consciousness and clarity” is in the divine time of NOW.

May this beautiful & soulful being bring forth divine strength for the journey of abyssal truth in the Now.



Heart truth

Abyssal truth


Following your heart. What does it mean?

Other then listening totally to our mind’s chattering logic to act out life. One should place more emphasis on the emotions of our heart and acting life through it.


Listen to your heart. Can the heart talk?

Our heart talk in the language of emotions. As most are used to the sensation of our mind thinking, feeling our heart’s talk may be like getting used to a foreign language. Constant awareness of the sadness and joy that arises from the heart integrates our knowing on what it wants. In time this will be a second nature to oneself.


Why is listening to our heart talk important?

Our heart intricately links to our soul, it talks the language of our soul. The intelligence is divine for the soul purpose of our life time. Directed by one’s inner divine intelligences is a way to one’s own life purpose. Everyone’s life purpose is different and it is already there in you. Seeking within is the true way to lead a real life according to our soul’s plan.


Living out of sync with our heart truth?

Ever had a moment in life that a truth in you will triggered the people around, shake the current relationship with close one or even rock our love ones?

One can deny their own truth by sticking with the flow of society norm, cultural standard or basic protocol of human conduct. So that one conform to masses acceptance and pleasing the world around them, in the hope that they will not be wrong. The fear of being wrong is so huge that they deny the reality in their heart. This seems to be an easier path for a start but it may be a hollow one as one cannot feel truly fulfilled.

Denying the truth from our heart in a way deny ourself in totality. A person that deny themselves denies their real existences hence dis-empowering  their own power of their authenticity. A self dis-empowered person is like a zombie in life as they are not in total connection to their soul. And hence they will not be on the path of their soul’s purpose.


Living in sync with our heart truth?

Being living in sync with our heart’s truth set one on a journey towards one’s soul purpose. This journey will come with moment of fear and contentment, sadness and joy, high and low. This is be like an adventure trip that our soul have sign on this package of life.

The difficult moment of the journey comes when following our heart means rocking others’ life. With one’s truest intent of authenticity and compassion. One may need to bared through our barrier of huge fear and pain to stand tall for one’s truth. Proudly be in the skin of who we are truly. The never ending challenge, learning and fulfilment will be the ride of our life. Real fulfilment will be the rewarding juice that nourishes  our soul.


Abyssal truth?

Communicate truth under the depth of abyssal pressure. (True strength).





In the world of gods and demi gods. In a society of advance civilisation, living at the fore front of evolution. At the peak of consciousness awakening in all of the universe, we are just one step shy of total awakening. I am the captain of the elite team of protector. Protector for our civilisation, our people and our king.

Today is an extremely joyous day as we reach a new frontier in our evolutionary advancement. We are unveiling our state of the art new fighter spacecraft to the universe. This new spacecraft once merge with a pilot will have the energy capacity of the sun. Imagine the full power of the sun being directed by a single pilot. This will be a showcase of the awesome advancement of our civilisation. I feel so proud to be a part of this.

My moment of blissful thoughts was being jolted to the present moment from a sudden sounding of a messenger. The messenger came forth to inform that our King had called for me.

The interior of the King’s palace is adorn with intricate architecture of gold and silver. The opulence and extravagance of the design and sheer magnitude exudes the sense of awe to all. My King is already at his throne awaiting. I reached before him and kneel in respect to his sacredness.

“Raised Captain, you have been chosen to pilot our newest spacecraft codename GARUDA.” “You are to showcase our pride on our civilisation’s evolutionary advancement to all of the universe.” “Go forth and do me proud, captain.” Said the King.

Then I was brought to the golden chamber hosting GARUDA, it is there shining with great pride. I was touched by the grace of my King bestowing the greatest gift of my life. To merge and pilot GARUDA is the greatest honour that anyone in our land can have. That moment I vowed to protect, serve and do honour for my King, my people and our civilisation with my all of my life and soul.

I places my hand on GARUDA and it opens up a portal for me. I went inside to allow merging to be initiated. Immediately the surged of power going through all of my different levels of body got me totally overwhelmed. The intensity of its potential  is wildly beyond my wildest imagination. My physical, emotional, mental, astral, etheric, celestial and ketheric body went into a power overwhelming state. The merging brought to me the true knowing of the magnitude of real power of the sun. Our merging took the longest while and finally we are ready to showcase the pride of our civilisation. I am ready.

In the speed of light I have surge out of our homeland towards the sun. The sheer mass and power of the sun felt intimidating. But the surge of power within GARUDA is so overwhelming that everything seems possible. We decided to shut down the sun’s light for a fleeting moment to showcase to the universe of our evolutionary advancement. I will gather all the power within GARUDA to stop all of the sun’s light ray for a moment. It took a long moment for me to fully charged up GARUDA and when it hit peak power. We unleashed a thunder bolt of energy so intensely powerful that it stop all of the sun’s ray from shining out. That instance the sun turn pitch black.

It work. A huge sense of honour runs through my body, shining the pride of our civilisation. As celebration of achievement and pride run through my mind, I saw energy cracks appearing in the black sun. This phenomenon does not look right. My eyes are wide open as the sun exploded. The explosion is so loud that I am deaf to it. The explosion is so bright that I am blinded to it. Time starts to slow down as I witness the destruction of the sun, the explosion also destroyed the planets around and even my homeland. Everything is destroyed, my homeland, civilisation, people and King. Death is everywhere. As I float motionlessly in space a black hole of guilt, sorrow and hollowness chokes me awake.

Suddenly my eyes are wide open realising that I was awaken from an intense dream.









Last Breath


The dance with death can be long and painful or short & quick tango. But eventually the dance will end and one will step through the gate of lifelessness. At that final moment one’s last gasp of air, last breath, last inhale & exhale and then life is gone from one’s physical body. The eyelid starts to drop down lifelessly and the body stall into lifelessness. It’s gone, he is gone.

Heart rate monitor shows a flat line and screaming it’s alert. But he is not moving, not breathing, no more living. Witnessing his last breath, his final moment and departure of his life brings an avalanche of tears. The tears seems to be symbolising my heartfelt farewell to him. We will never again have a chance to relive this current life story that we have shared for the last 40 years. May be we will meet again but our current story will have been a history as a past life. A farewell for our present to become our past.

Since young he has not been the healthiest but he is the one that comes to his mother’s rescue whenever she is beaten by her husband. Growing up in a poor family with many siblings was never easy. He has to roam the street and outside world to survive from a young age. Salvaging expired pineapple can, doing odd jobs and catching fishes from the river has been his childhood.

As an young adult he work as an unlicensed cab driver and sale man selling all kinds of stuff, bee hoon, shampoo, candles etc. His vehicle of choice is a van so that he can sell more. Because he had a van, a friend asked him to help fetched a Malaysian friend whom came to Singapore to work in the factory. This Malaysian friend is one hot young lady from Taiping (Malaysia).  They fell in love and got married. They work really hard for life and produced 4 kids.

He has been a responsible, faithful and hard working man for his wife, children and family. He is passionate about life and is proud of his own achievement in health and wealth. He enjoys dispensing his street smart learning to all. Diligent is his strong trait, in pursue of good health he will drive in the wee hours to climb a hill daily. In pursue of good wealth he will work 15 hours daily and 363 days a year.

After his wife pass on 7 years ago, he went into a depressive grieve. His heart and body deteriorated ever since then. He used to dispense tough love but his action always leave a trace of his sweetness to his family. Even in his weaken state he is always worried about his children’s well being.

He is my dad.

I never seems to be affectionately close to him, I guess I felt intimidated by him. I felt the benchmark he set for me is too tough for me, in a sense it killed a part of me. Hence the distance grows due to my fear of standing under his shadow.

These 2 years as his body deteriorated, our distance grew nearer as there is no more shadow scaring me away. I am glad that it have been this way as I start to feel his love that I have not experience before. The image of a scene 2 weeks before his departure resurfaces in my mind. He was in the hospital bed and I was standing beside it. He suddenly do a throwing motion at me and said “hold the baton, I am dying”. It is only now that I understand the meaning of it. It is his acceptance & acknowledgement of me. My part that have been killed have been revived.


Dad thank you for everything.

I am sorry for not living your expectation. Please forgive me.

I love you and hope that you depart to a much better place.