Goldie’s only goal is to attain a perfect life.

She is one focus and hard working goldfish.

It had brought her a perfect life as advertised.

Lying on her lush mattress, sun tanning and sipping on her favourite drink.

She ponder, ” Why do I feel so dry?”




Healing Light


I am good & I am done.

The healing work before brings me calm.

More healing will be fun.

Hope for healing & blessing to come.


Hey why is there a tinge of anger in my air.

Hey why is there a pool of jealousy drowning me.

Hey why is there an army of insecurities breaking me.

Help am I in living hell…







An angel appeared before I died.

She look at me with assuring eyes.

“Healing light let one see our shit around.”

“Do cleansing on those shit found.”

“Till the shit are cleared will a greater light be shone.”

“Then comes more shit where one have not yet found.”

“To the day when one have cleanse all ground.”


Here we go again 🙂






Heart truth

Abyssal truth


Following your heart. What does it mean?

Other then listening totally to our mind’s chattering logic to act out life. One should place more emphasis on the emotions of our heart and acting life through it.


Listen to your heart. Can the heart talk?

Our heart talk in the language of emotions. As most are used to the sensation of our mind thinking, feeling our heart’s talk may be like getting used to a foreign language. Constant awareness of the sadness and joy that arises from the heart integrates our knowing on what it wants. In time this will be a second nature to oneself.


Why is listening to our heart talk important?

Our heart intricately links to our soul, it talks the language of our soul. The intelligence is divine for the soul purpose of our life time. Directed by one’s inner divine intelligences is a way to one’s own life purpose. Everyone’s life purpose is different and it is already there in you. Seeking within is the true way to lead a real life according to our soul’s plan.


Living out of sync with our heart truth?

Ever had a moment in life that a truth in you will triggered the people around, shake the current relationship with close one or even rock our love ones?

One can deny their own truth by sticking with the flow of society norm, cultural standard or basic protocol of human conduct. So that one conform to masses acceptance and pleasing the world around them, in the hope that they will not be wrong. The fear of being wrong is so huge that they deny the reality in their heart. This seems to be an easier path for a start but it may be a hollow one as one cannot feel truly fulfilled.

Denying the truth from our heart in a way deny ourself in totality. A person that deny themselves denies their real existences hence dis-empowering  their own power of their authenticity. A self dis-empowered person is like a zombie in life as they are not in total connection to their soul. And hence they will not be on the path of their soul’s purpose.


Living in sync with our heart truth?

Being living in sync with our heart’s truth set one on a journey towards one’s soul purpose. This journey will come with moment of fear and contentment, sadness and joy, high and low. This is be like an adventure trip that our soul have sign on this package of life.

The difficult moment of the journey comes when following our heart means rocking others’ life. With one’s truest intent of authenticity and compassion. One may need to bared through our barrier of huge fear and pain to stand tall for one’s truth. Proudly be in the skin of who we are truly. The never ending challenge, learning and fulfilment will be the ride of our life. Real fulfilment will be the rewarding juice that nourishes  our soul.


Abyssal truth?

Communicate truth under the depth of abyssal pressure. (True strength).





In the world of gods and demi gods. In a society of advance civilisation, living at the fore front of evolution. At the peak of consciousness awakening in all of the universe, we are just one step shy of total awakening. I am the captain of the elite team of protector. Protector for our civilisation, our people and our king.

Today is an extremely joyous day as we reach a new frontier in our evolutionary advancement. We are unveiling our state of the art new fighter spacecraft to the universe. This new spacecraft once merge with a pilot will have the energy capacity of the sun. Imagine the full power of the sun being directed by a single pilot. This will be a showcase of the awesome advancement of our civilisation. I feel so proud to be a part of this.

My moment of blissful thoughts was being jolted to the present moment from a sudden sounding of a messenger. The messenger came forth to inform that our King had called for me.

The interior of the King’s palace is adorn with intricate architecture of gold and silver. The opulence and extravagance of the design and sheer magnitude exudes the sense of awe to all. My King is already at his throne awaiting. I reached before him and kneel in respect to his sacredness.

“Raised Captain, you have been chosen to pilot our newest spacecraft codename GARUDA.” “You are to showcase our pride on our civilisation’s evolutionary advancement to all of the universe.” “Go forth and do me proud, captain.” Said the King.

Then I was brought to the golden chamber hosting GARUDA, it is there shining with great pride. I was touched by the grace of my King bestowing the greatest gift of my life. To merge and pilot GARUDA is the greatest honour that anyone in our land can have. That moment I vowed to protect, serve and do honour for my King, my people and our civilisation with my all of my life and soul.

I places my hand on GARUDA and it opens up a portal for me. I went inside to allow merging to be initiated. Immediately the surged of power going through all of my different levels of body got me totally overwhelmed. The intensity of its potential  is wildly beyond my wildest imagination. My physical, emotional, mental, astral, etheric, celestial and ketheric body went into a power overwhelming state. The merging brought to me the true knowing of the magnitude of real power of the sun. Our merging took the longest while and finally we are ready to showcase the pride of our civilisation. I am ready.

In the speed of light I have surge out of our homeland towards the sun. The sheer mass and power of the sun felt intimidating. But the surge of power within GARUDA is so overwhelming that everything seems possible. We decided to shut down the sun’s light for a fleeting moment to showcase to the universe of our evolutionary advancement. I will gather all the power within GARUDA to stop all of the sun’s light ray for a moment. It took a long moment for me to fully charged up GARUDA and when it hit peak power. We unleashed a thunder bolt of energy so intensely powerful that it stop all of the sun’s ray from shining out. That instance the sun turn pitch black.

It work. A huge sense of honour runs through my body, shining the pride of our civilisation. As celebration of achievement and pride run through my mind, I saw energy cracks appearing in the black sun. This phenomenon does not look right. My eyes are wide open as the sun exploded. The explosion is so loud that I am deaf to it. The explosion is so bright that I am blinded to it. Time starts to slow down as I witness the destruction of the sun, the explosion also destroyed the planets around and even my homeland. Everything is destroyed, my homeland, civilisation, people and King. Death is everywhere. As I float motionlessly in space a black hole of guilt, sorrow and hollowness chokes me awake.

Suddenly my eyes are wide open realising that I was awaken from an intense dream.









Bitter Juice Purging


Many years ago.

A 9 years old was with an angry father in a room. Sensing his impending danger, the child screams for help and pleading for his life. The angry eyes of the man just became angrier. There will not be mercy, there will only be the pain of the punishment. The man started shouting at the child. “Why are you so lazy!”. “Why are you getting 70 marks for spelling!”. “Why do you have to make me so angry that I have to punished you!”. “Stop screaming!”.

The child started running around the room for escape but found the door locked. Outside the door are his mother and grandmother pleading mercy for him. His fear was exacerbate by his powerless saviours. Then he notice a stinging pain on his leg. The man started canning him. The shock and pain startled him and he scramble to escape. Screaming in fear for mercy. The man cornered him and shouted. ” The more you scream or run the more painful this will be!”. Facing the towering threat, massive fear paralyse his small body. There was no voice or movement but a torrential rain of canning. Pain overload his senses till he was frozen. Dried rivers of tear, whimper of shame, lashes of cane print and a bleeding cane mark on a ankle is the remainder of the aftermath.

The angry man left the room and his 2 powerless saviour rushes in to soothes any fear or pain. The caring words and soothing medication does little. Little did they know, the child have already frozen his fear, helplessness, pain and shame of the mad moment into a part of himself.


Many years later.

At an inner studies workshop. A man was deepening into himself to identify his lower self. He identified with manipulator, conformist, blockage and defeat in him. As he deepens he realised that his conformist is his defence mechanism to manipulate others, so that he will not faced with tough and fearful situation. He discover that he has been living as a conformist throughout his life. That means he have not live authentically. Suddenly a childhood memories flashes through. The one that he was caned by his father in a locked room. A huge grief and pain overwhelm him into tears. There is a knowing that his life till now has been orchestrated by this frozen child. The fear, helplessness, pain and shame that have been freeze into a part of him that yearns safety and have devise those lower self characters.


Having the clarity this man is ready to go deeper into healing this frozen child part. As his parent and grandparent have already pass on. His teacher and guides ask him what will he tell them if they are in front of him. Tears started overflowing as an impending energies from the thawing frozen part seems to be unleashing. He shouted out with full anger and rage ” I HATE YOU!”. With that he collapsed into an avalanche of pain, shame and helpless crying. These seems to be a released of the emotions that is frozen when he was a child.


Suddenly he was awaken to the big hole in his heart.  Green slimy juice of bitterness is flowing out of it. It was a terrible feeling. But there is a knowing that this is the start of his healing process. The heart will never know love when it is filled with bitterness.





At a time before homo sapiens and at a place where there is no civilisation. A golden pyramid with the Eye of Horus stand witnessing the interplay of time and space in front of the great sea of consciousness. Lying beneath the depth of darkness lies a soulful being. A mammal with a powerful gift of communication. An ancient hump back whale. It has been hibernating for the longest of time in the cold dark sea. Time passes ever so slowly and yet aeon have slip by without a hint of awakening from it.

Not only is this mammal in hibernation, the whole planet is in a deep hibernation phase. This planet is so huge that the day and night cycle are many aeons apart. Aeons of night darkness have passed and the light of the day is approaching. First ray of light diluted the pitch black darkness slowly towards visibility. Visibility returns to the land and then slowly into the sea. As the first ray of light hit on the whale, its nervous system was firing awakening signals throughout its massive body. It gives out a longest grunt and started twitching its body awake, its eyes slowly open. Then it started to surface itself , guided by the sun’s ray which peeks into the sea.

There is a blazing red kingfisher perching at the top of the pyramid. The red flame surrounding it is burning with deep passion of life. Upon sensing a big shadow ascending towards the surface of the sea, it flew over out of curiosity. Hovering itself high above the big shadow underwater, awaiting to witness something huge.

Meanwhile the whale is gaining acceleration as it ascent towards the surface. It notices a bright burning red spot high up above the water, that piqued it’s curiosity. Nearing the surface of the sea at top speed, it did a powerful flip with it’s massive tail and huge fins. It propel itself out of the sea and breach itself high up into the air, awaiting to witness something huge.

The whale breach so high up that it is a just a moment away from the kingfisher. They were both startle in awe of the magnificent of each other. Their amazing gaze last an eternity of seconds before gravity came to do them apart.

The massive whale fell back into the sea creating an explosion of sea water into this place. The first sound of awakening resonating throughout the aeon of quietness. The first dance of awakening.


The above scene came into mind when I was drawing this. In a symbolic terms it felt like at the transition of awakening, there are 2 primal force in play. Passion and power. The moment these 2 energies start to awake to each others existence. The moment they attract and seduce each other into a dance. The flame of consciousness starts to dance into life.





Fear & Courage

emperor new clothes


The emperor’s new clothes is a short tale by Hans Christian Andersen. Below is it’s plot from wikipedia.

A vain Emperor who cares about nothing except wearing and displaying clothes hires two swindlers who promise him the finest, best suit of clothes from a fabric invisible to anyone who is unfit for his position or “hopelessly stupid”. The Emperor’s ministers cannot see the clothing themselves, but pretend that they can for fear of appearing unfit for their positions and the Emperor does the same. Finally the swindlers report that the suit is finished, they mime dressing him and the Emperor marches in procession before his subjects. The townsfolk play along with the pretense, not wanting to appear unfit for their positions or stupid. Then a child in the crowd, too young to understand the desirability of keeping up the pretense, blurts out that the Emperor is wearing nothing at all and the cry is taken up by others. The Emperor cringes, suspects the assertion is true, but continues the procession.


This is such a great tale with rich teachings. To me it is a symbolic story about fear & courage. The emperor is fearful of facing his truth. In search of his passion for vanity he was swindled and to protect his fear of being look upon as stupid, vain and in shame. He can go through a phase of anger where his ministers or subjects whom dares to laugh at him will be dealt with. The emperor has a high responsibility and therefore high power. Hence an angry emperor will caused fear in his ministers and subjects. In fear of their current comfort, stability and life, they will closed their eyes, their mouth and their ears to the reality of truth.

As the young boy started laughing at the emperor for being naked, the rest of the people watches on in horror. So petrified by the possible repercussion of the emperor’s rage.  The truth has been brought out by that young boy.

At this moment shame, guilt and fear is overwhelming everyone especially the emperor.

Will he cover his fear by anger and silence all whom had triggered him or by pretending that the boy is insane?

Or will he have the courage to acknowledge his fear by ending his procession and dealing with his swindlers?


When face with fearful situations, one can either pretend that it is not there, be angry with something else or brave through towards the source to heal it. The journey from fear to courage are everywhere in life. But the one that we are passionate about is always worth the journey through the shame, guilt and fear. Being courageous for our own truth is a great way to start any moment.





Frogs in a hot pot. High heat will scare them away, jumping out of the hot pot to discover other kind of life. Low heat creates a cosy environment that the frogs turn unconscious to their reality. A nice sauna with beautiful flower prints on the surface of the pot. So fearful to even move an inch and before they knew it, they are already part of the frog stew.

The frogs from the bottom of the stack are already dead but they had their living moments before. Moments where they are alive, holding on their life for their mighty frog empire. Their fear of not conforming to the masses before them made them conform to their act. Stories of folklore are passed on generation to generation and their stories slowly turn into legend. Legend states that all honourable frog with their honourable deed of ensuring the frog kingdom to stack up towards the sky. That will enable the king frog to assess the danger of the world outside their homeland(which is the pot). So that the king can save all honourable frogs.

The frogs that are still alive at the middle of the stack. They have to take the weight from the rest on the top, unhappy and unsatisfied with their lives. But their warmish environment is still comfortable enough for they to willingly hang on to the pressure. Legend has it that all honourable frog has been bestowed with the responsibilities of holding their place and upholding their stack for the frog empire.

A frog in the middle that is still alive have a thought flashing by it’s mind. “How comfortable it will be to get out of this stack to relieve myself of the pressure on me”. Suddenly grimacing in pain, it knows that it is having an unholy thought. Paralyse in fear as it’s so called honourable part came in to instil discipline. Having such an unholy thought, I am a sinner and I will have to banished all unholy thoughts and strictly hold my place in stack till the ends of my honourable life. So that I will be save.

Frogs near the top of the stack can see a glimpse of the world outside the pot at times when their views are not blocked by the body or the shit of the king frog. To them the world outside seems so strange and scarily cold. Will we be freeze to death in this strange outside world? Better wait for the king to tell us what to do. Legend have stated that our king will be able to save us. For honour, I better dispel my shameful unholy thoughts.

The king frog on the other hand is having a great time of its life, shitting and resting on the rest of the frogs below. I wander why are there so many frogs laying below me. Maybe they are enjoying this warm cosy feeling. Well as long as they are happy, I am happy for them. Croak…………..  🙂





Parallax Error (he)
Parallax Error (she)


If seeing is believing then true communication is at its primitive form. Parallax error describes a reality that is different from what one sees at pure sight. Parallax error is not subjected only to visual, it can be translated into our other senses. Imagine when all sensing errors adds up to an avalanching mismatch to reality, one will easily lost our grounding.

In the context of love and sex (creation), human society came up with marriage to bind all these expression into a box. To contain these powerful energies from 2 individuals in a box of marriage is not easy but I guess necessary to create a certain society order.  The individual’s own parallax error to reality creates another set of uncertainty into this box. Highly charged and unstable energies can easily explode the box or numb itself so much that the box turn cold into an implosion. Is our current pursuit of marrying our energy of love and sex an ideal way for our evolution?

Looking at love per se. Love is an universal expression of enjoyment and affection. One have the capacity to love a lot and much more. Embracing and loving of everything seems possible. That only means that directing love on only a singular point is albeit to forcing an energy so wide and diverse to a containment. That does not feel natural.

Looking at sex per se. It is fundamentally an universal energy of creation. As we humans currently comes in dual forms, nature has it that male and female have a part to play in this expression to harness this energy to the birth of a new existences. Our bodies are build to the attunement for the longing of sex. In a sense when it wasn’t functioning that purpose in life then isn’t it in conflict with nature. This felt like a flower bud that was not allowed to flower. How constricted and sad is this?

Hence boxing love and sex into a package rather then allowing them to express as individual expression may seems to create an unstable box of marriage. And I ponder whether this man conceived structure of marriage is a suitable vehicle for current and future evolution of mankind. With the increases of awareness one may see that marriage structure is fear based by default. It subjects and exercise control on 2 individuals in the name of man conceive sacredness. Controlling and conforming their energy of love and sex in a way in to a box. Creating an order out of this naturally uncontrollable interplay of energies of the 2 sexes seems an impossible task.

Natural selection and sexual selection is nature’s way of exercising its influence to create a natural flow for all species. Conscious awakening may be Mother nature’s way of selection for human. Critical mass awakening may create a situation where mass consciousness starts to see the fallacy to our age old approached to our society order and structure. Expression of love, sex and definition of marriage may be one of them.

Conscious awakening enable one to realised one’s parallax error and at the same time realised others’ in the similar situation. Being in consistent awareness of self, do one starts to realise oneself deeper. Through the realising comes the knowing which will give birth to newer realisation, to which one will start a motion of conscious evolution.

Borrowing a quote. Lets “Stay hungry, stay foolish”.




“Never point your finger at the moon or else the moon god will  cut your ears tonight”, says grandma in a serious tone. The young me obeyed without questioning. Grandma is always right. There is an incident after this, that I pointed at the moon accidentally and I freaked out. The fear of my ears dropping out, hounded me constantly through the day. I will be touching my ears frequently to check if they are still there. That night I cant sleep as I was so fearful that my ears will be lost once I fall asleep. The tormenting fear kept me holding to my ears and fighting my sleep monster to stay awake.

The next moment I woke up in horror, realising that I have fallen asleep unknowingly. I clasped my ears with both hands and felt relief that they are still there.  The moon god did not to cut my ears and as I sigh in relief, then a stinging pain came from behind my left ear. It felt and looks like a fresh wound. An abrasion that I did not notice yesterday. It must have been the moon god. So frighten by this that I rush to tell grandma on the happening. Then she chuckles awhile telling me that the moon god must have just given me a warning this time. So I better be obedient and not to do it again else I may lost my ears.

The pain, the happening and grandma’s words sink in so deep in me that I became so conscious of my pointing finger. Never dare to randomly  point to the sky as I may again point at the moon accidentally. This taboo live with me for ages till my young adult years. I only mustered enough courage to test this taboo after learning much scientific facts on the moon. It is only then that I have this myth busted. I remembered clearly at that night of the testing I still had a nudging fear in me. And I have only dispel the fears of this taboo after many moons of testing and self proving.

Indeed taboo can be like a living curse for a person. Limiting their physicality, limiting their mentality, limiting them to a space that have been pre define. Taboo can have such a grip on a person that can transcend time, space in our mental and physical dimension.

In this moon pointing taboo that I experience, it must have passed down from my grandma’s parents or grandparents. And they must likely have received it from their parents or grandparents. Who knows how far the origin of this taboo is in time and how wide the reached is in space. God knows why is there a taboo like this created? A troll, a belief or even a miscommunication.

The thing is that if I have not challenge the fear of this taboo. Then to this day when someone ask where is the moon, I will point my chin to show the direction rather then my fingers. How sad is this, that I am held hostage to this taboo that may only be a joke from someone long before me.

Whenever one feels fearful or shameful  by a topic, a situation or even a thought. One most probably have a taboo on it. Taboo is like a red tape that cordon off the surrounding that one is restricted too. It restrict the flow of life. Restricting life only to the area that is lighted by the taboo and the areas restricted by the taboo is dark as it is protected by fear and shame.

Facing our taboo is a path facing one’s fear and shame. Casting our courageous light towards the darkness of our taboo will create and make more space for our life. Breaking our cage of ignorances and allow our life to grow in abundance. Let there be courage to switch on our torch light of bravery and to explore beyond the shadows cast by our taboo.