Author: admin

Breathlessness – a state where one cannot breath properly. Every breath takes about 2-4 seconds. As long as one is alive our breath powers on every 2- 4 seconds, 24 by 7. Our breath only off day is when one ceases to live, a perpetual off day. Hence our breath is intimately link to our survival. A lack of breathe or breathlessness is really like a dance with Death itself. Living being that is so used to living is never a willing dance partner with Death. This dance is often lace with immense pain, fear and suffering. The dancing ground is usually near the gate of afterlife.

The physical engine that powers our breathe is our heart. Being in our physical realm our heart has an expiry date. A date that it starts deteriorating. According to a doctor, if one’s heart function drop to below 20% the risk of it stalling is very high. On top of that sufferer will be experiencing breathlessness throughout until the heart function manage to go beyond the 20% or the heart stalls. Usually when there is a way, a remedy or a cure for this suffering then it seems reasonable that the sufferer goes through the suffering for the possible salvation. But when there is no possible cure, the suffering for the sufferer to go through till his final moment is a cruelly sad period.

A sufferer in this instance is usually overwhelm by their suffering that they ask for an instant death. For a living being to ask for instant death, their suffering must have crushed their living ego to bits.

As a caretaker of the sufferer. When being plead by the sufferer on ending their suffering life, it is an unusually difficult moment. A moment when a portion of the suffering is being transferred to the  caretaker. In honoring the truth of the sufferer and himself. In honoring the fact of life and death. In honoring this difficult final phase that the caretaker is journeying with the sufferer. The caretaker can only be as present as he can to assist in whatever that the sufferer may need in his dance with death.

A sudden breathlessness consumes me, my denial on impermanence may be giving way.

Ageing is an automatic process of becoming older. A baby turn into a kid in a flash, the kid turn into a young adult in a moment, the young adult turn into an old adult in while. When we are younger there is always a want to grow up faster but when one is an adult we hope that time can slow down or reversed.

Eventually when a kid turns into an adult, their parent will turn into an old adult. The process of witnessing our parents turning into an old adult is quite a traumatic process. Witnessing and accompanying them by their journey  is really opening one up to our mixed emotions of our own journey ahead. Deteriorating health and well being is usually part of this ageing process. Parents whom once we look up for safety, support and everything else as a kid is an image of a giant caretaker for us.  When we witness our giant crumble down at the mercy of health issue reducing them to a frighten and helpless stage of a baby. The kid part in us starts to be shaken and fears sets in. The giant caretaker for our kid has crumble and the kid is left feeling vulnerable and alone.

Another fear that is set in motion is the part in us that fears suffering and death. In seeing the state of suffering of our parent, we are reminded of a reality of life that we are ageing towards. Awhile journeying with our parents through their ageing process.  We are crippled by these overwhelming fear and at the same time we want to stand tall like a giant for them at time like this. This duality of brave and fear fronting our system is a really interesting mixed. We can be brave and fearful at the same time is really about a kind of love. We soldier on even when facing with our huge fear so that we can be the giant that they need in time like this for their kid part. A kind of love that are shared between child and parent.

May all suffer less or never.