Past Lives

holy
tattoo

 

Stories, myth and legends are bountiful expressions of spirit that live through time and space. Different dimensions, different beings and different existences are the expression of one’s soul journey.

How can we only be limited to this body and this current identity, how small is that. We are soul experiencing life as different beings, different existences in multi dimension, expressing the richness of spirit. We travel through the life and death of each of our identities, dancing to the tune of spirit.

Are there stories, dreams or myth characters that move you to bits? So attached that you feel their emotions, dreams and desires. So identified with it that you felt that character is really you. Not this current you but a you once upon a time.

 

I have 2 separate high definition dreams with stories that are connected and intensely heart felt to share.

 

1st dream:

I found myself submerge under water. I was not suffocating and actually I felt rather calm and relax in water. The next moment I realised that I head up to swim towards the surface of the water. There is a floating structure on the surface, I can see many multi coloured transparent looking buoy tied around the circumference of that floating structure. Those colourful buoy attracted much of my attention. Red, yellow, green and blue buoy floating to the waves on the surface. I float up to poked at the buoys, playing with them. After my curiosity was settled, I pop my head out of the water surface. I found myself almost 300 meters away from the most beautiful stretches of white untainted beach paradise. There is no people or other living being other then the vegetation on these beautiful beaches. It is a sunny day and felt like around noon as the sun is high up in the sky. I then tilted my head up to look at the sun, I saw it, it look the same. But there is this strange knowing that came through my mind. This is a time before human civilisation. Homo sapiens have not been evolved here yet. But this sun is the same sun that me as a human has seen before. A very surreal moment of familiar warm sunlight caressing my skin and yet this is a time so ancient. At the corner of my vision a pyramid was spotted towering behind the vegetation on the beach, It does not feel like the one I had seen in Egypt. It seems bigger and had a massive “Eye of Ra” engraving on the side facing the sea. Such a strange place of odd familiarity, why am I here, I thought.

Then I started to descend down again. Visibility under water was so clear and beautiful, the scene that I was at is miles of clear white sand and crystal clear blue sea water. In front of me was this huge underwater structure that I can only see a small portion, it felt like a huge pyramid kind of structure. Something then swam into my sight and she is the loveliest baby humpback whale. Smiling so sweetly at me. She glide towards the right side of my body and gently nudge at me, she slightly tilted her head giving me her loving smile before swimming behind me.  She is my baby. I then realised that I am a hump back whale.

 

2nd dream:

Looking down from the sky, I saw the back of a massive whale shark in the ocean. Then the next moment I saw a dead hump back whale beaching on an island. The water is crystal clear and the ocean is calm but there is this deep sadness in the air. Suddenly I was rewind into the moment before the death of the whale. I am viewing from under water once again, massive waves of underwater current and millions of air bubbles are created as the hump back whale and the whale shark charge and slam their bodies into each other. The impact of their charging created so much under water pressure that it explode into thousands stream of undercurrent and million of air bubbles gushing out of the impact zone. Both of them stall for almost a second or two before the huge battle get started again as they swing their massive tail and flippers as weapons attacking each other. Ramming their head into each other’s bodies.

A thought came in, ” What happened?”. Then  in a far distance I saw that familiar baby hump back whale. She seems fearful for her life. A sudden knowing flashes by, the whale shark is out to kill the baby whale hence the mother whale is protecting it with her life.

Then my view came back to the massive fight. In a bid to protect her precious baby. The mummy whale did a breaching so high out of the surface of the sea and  back flip and slam her back into the whale shark. Then their actions stopped and there is quietness for the longest while. That flying back slam have heavily injured the whale shark and at the same time crack the backbone of the hump back whale. The injured whale shark swam away from their fighting site and the hump back laid there dying away from her injury.

Carried by the waves, the dying whale is being slowly washed up to the shores. She have no more energy to resist death and is just slowly dying away. The baby whale’s cries fills the water as she nudges at her mother’s huge body. Trying the best to push her away from the shores, she is too small to have the strength to do that.

The sounds and feeling of her cries and her grieving are so overwhelming that I was choked awake from my own crying. My face are all wet with tears but it was not only due to the grief from the baby whale. A bigger part of the grief that I am experiencing is the pain and grief from the mother hump back whale. As she is lying motionlessly dead, she still feels the intense pain, grief and fear of her baby’s well being. As death do them apart, a pain is unleashed from a mother’s love for her baby that she can no longer protect.

 

These 2 dreams make me wonder much. Why do I identify myself so much with that hump back whale? Why do I feel its emotion so intensely? Why do I have a knowing of it’s story in so much detail? Why are my 2 separate dreams connected in such a way? So many question that my logical mind cannot comprehend and make sense of. Allowing the curious part of me to ask these questions, I am allowing more answers to come in from all my senses.

There is this huge part of me that accepts reincarnation, lives after lives and past lives. How rich is this if my hunch is right on track. How beautiful is life and how different we will each view, live and act out of our current one. If we all truly knows this secret of life. In the mean time, being open to our intuition helps to allow the flow of this mystical sense and knowing to expand. May us all be bless with the clarity of true knowing.

 

Darkness

holy
Night Traveller

 

Ever walk into an unknown dark room feeling your way for a light switch?

The fear of the unknown.

The fear of sensing what that may be lurking in that darkness.

In the time between walking into the dark room till one finds the light switch is a journey through darkness.

Every thing that we graze past or hit upon during the darkness may scare the shit out of us for a split second or more.

Every new sensation that hit upon us, be it a fluffy teddy bear or steel cold furniture gives us an initial creepy feeling. Evoking our emotion of fear. The seed of fear can grow pretty fast, is it a thing that touches me or is it a living thing that touches me or worse is it a non living being that touches me. Our mind will go into a fear overdrive mode making us scream in silence or shout out in pure fear. Our body may freeze into immobility or sprint into a flight mode jolting out of that dark room.

We may even closed our eyes and play dead in the hope of stopping our fear.

 

Is our life’s journey not in a way a journey through the dark room?

We all want control of the future which we had no real control. Clenching our fist in a dark room may be a way to soothes our fear for what is to come.

It is a way we think it may help us to control our fear or control the future.  But it actually hardens and numb our senses to experience what is to come, hence tricking ourself to believe that we are in control.

We trick ourself to believe that we have powers to control the outcome. Wanting to control our future is really an expression of our fear of the unknown. It may be the greatest trick that one play on oneself. As one try to believe that they can truly control, which there is none. Their approach is through numbing themselves of their senses and living in the moment not present. They starts to become zombies of life, not being able to experience the present moment.

 

I started growing a pot of sweet potatoes last year. I bought good soil, big pot, good water and good care for it. It grew up beautifully, gracing my big pot to look like a bountiful garden. I continue on my good work in the hope to maintain this beautiful sight. But then it fall prey to some parasites late last year. I tried to control the situation but to no avail. To my horror it started dying. I am so sad to realise that I have no power to maintain that beautiful scene. The beautiful sight of my big pot changes to a theme of death. My sweet potato plant turns yellowish and died. I stop putting in any effort of gardening my pot as I surrender to the fact that I can’t maintain it beautifully. Few month past by and something miraculous happen with no effort on my part. The pot was again filled with beautiful plants which I had no idea, what it is. It is definitely not sweet potato plant.  Grace by the power of nature.

Through this episode I realised that I had no real control. Surrendering the thought of control may birth something more amazing. The Cycle of up and down, life and death, happy and sorrow is but the nature of life in motion. Relinquish the desire for outcome, just witness and act from the present moment adds depth to the life story that we are experiencing.

 

May all soar through darkness in calmness. Embracing the wind of life that gazes through our senses. What will be will be. Enjoy your ride.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love

holy
In love

 

The reflection of a fluffy cloud fleeting by a quiet river. Peaceful time gently floating by the lush green pastures. Cooling breeze grazing past everything in it’s path, softly caressing the whisker of a orange cat. So mesmerized by the magnificence of everything that happen at this moment, the cat seems to be in a hypnotic trances of basking in all the awesomeness of being here. This moment felt like love, Divine love. Being consciously present and surrendering to the flow of life seems to allow this divine love tap to channel through. So tastefully loving and divinely exhilarating that all senses are grace with a romantic sense of being in love.

Witnessing this scene during my long walk on a particular day, I felt very thankful to my orange furry teacher for such an experiential moment of teaching on “love is everywhere”. 🙂

Seeking love externally can only be a balanced journey when one accept, surrender and embrace the love from own self. Seeking love externally when one is not complete with self love will easily sets one on the journey of a love addict.

Breaking the cycle of love addiction requires one to cut off channels of  the addiction and focus on one self. Stop, slow down, be gentle with one self to discover the divine love within one and all. When one finds and allows the divine love tap within to flow, then boredom starts to cease and excitement in life starts to spring from many where. I believe when one acts and embrace one’s true self then one’s divine self love will flow naturally.

Being true to ourself and living on our truth is a never ending journey, as we get more and more in sync with it. We starts to experienced more and more divine love.

Staying in the present moment.

No expectation of results.

Embrace anything that comes our way.

Doing things that you feel like.

Life already had it all sorted out, just be present to experience what is to come.

Good, bad, sad, happy, ugly or beautiful is a melody that life have created for you and you only.

The universal story scripted for yours truly.

Divine love is in motion.

 

There is this recent incident that grace me with a sample of divine love in every moment of life. I particulars hated doing household chores, cleaning oily and dirty wok is top of my hate list. My family is busy with preparing the stuff for a ritual. As my siblings are busy with the cooking and arranging of stuff. I was left with cleaning the oily wok and cooking utensils. First reaction in me was the usual sucking one. Then the thought of “being present” flashes through my mind. I proceed to act accordingly by being present with the cleaning of oily wok. I started to focus on the cleaning, carefully scrubbing all the oily stain one at a time. Intense focus of scrubbing away the soil and oil from the wok sets me into a meditative trances of enjoying the moment. Peaceful time gently flow through this moment and I am enjoying this. Caressing the clean and cool steel wok at the end gives me such a satisfying moment that I feel that it is all so worth it.

I felt in love with the cleaning, with the moment and with myself.

Ah I am falling in love with myself. Loving all my moments of life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am

holy
Who am I

 

Who am I?

I am a wizard in the time of great change. The forces of darkness has almost consumed all the light of the land. I am fighting till my last breathe for the sake of protecting the last blade of light that is left of the land. My body is dying, my mental is breaking but the light in my heart is as bright as ever.

 

Who am I?

I am the burning red humming bird that manifested from the dying wizard’s hand. I hold the secret of the light that I have to send out. My sole purpose and mission is to dispatch the secret of the light. I endure all pain, fear and worries flying my way of out the darkest land. That is the sole purpose of my life. An arrow broke through my back and pierced through my heart.

I cannot die, not now. I have to complete my purpose. With the greatest regret my life ended with me failing on the most important mission of the land.

 

Who am I?

I am a maggot feasting on the carcass of a delicious red humming bird. I am so hungry, I need to eat more. I eat and eat till there is nothing more to eat. Then I wait and wait for no food on the horizon till I starved to death.

 

Who am I?

I am the water vapour that evaporated from the slimy remains of a maggot. I float so high in the sky that I became part of a fluffy dark cloud.

 

Who am I?

I am a raindrop from a fluffy dark cloud. I am speeding down the sky at a high speed. Then I hit the ground and was absorb into the land.

 

Who am I?

I am a small plant that was birth by the union of a seed and a drop of water from the sky.

 

Who am I?

I am.

 

 

Grieve

holy
Mourning

 

Grieve is a natural process. Allowing one’s choked heart to unleashed our grieving tears out of us. Where it will become the seed of life.

Sadness is a natural emotion. When it is being suppress due to fear, it will be locked up in our heart. To do that one will have to harden our heart to contain the sadness within. A harden heart create much stuckness and numbness in life. Our heart is central to orchestrating our emotions in life. But when the heart is harden, it will not be able to function properly. And it will not be able to regulate our emotions naturally. Hence one slowly numbified till one is totally stuck. The process seems like a emotionally healthy human being slowly becoming a zombie.

Whenever you realised that you are numb or stuck in life. It may be a good idea to look deeper at your heart. Is it healthy, is it harden or it is holding up much stuck energy? Many times one will not even notice that they are stuck or numb to life. So it is good practice to always feel our self more and allow any sadness to flow through, allowing ourself to experienced that sadness that is meant to be. In allowing our stuck sadness to flow out of our heart containment, we relieve a bit of our numbness. In that act we allow ourself to be a bit more alive. Hence the tears that drain our sadness out from our heart can be seen to be a seed of life. Creating more aliveness in us when it is been unleashed.

Be in sync with nature, experienced all that comes our way is being alive.

 

 

 

Tribute

holy
Last Breath

 

The dance with death can be long and painful or short & quick tango. But eventually the dance will end and one will step through the gate of lifelessness. At that final moment one’s last gasp of air, last breath, last inhale & exhale and then life is gone from one’s physical body. The eyelid starts to drop down lifelessly and the body stall into lifelessness. It’s gone, he is gone.

Heart rate monitor shows a flat line and screaming it’s alert. But he is not moving, not breathing, no more living. Witnessing his last breath, his final moment and departure of his life brings an avalanche of tears. The tears seems to be symbolising my heartfelt farewell to him. We will never again have a chance to relive this current life story that we have shared for the last 40 years. May be we will meet again but our current story will have been a history as a past life. A farewell for our present to become our past.

Since young he has not been the healthiest but he is the one that comes to his mother’s rescue whenever she is beaten by her husband. Growing up in a poor family with many siblings was never easy. He has to roam the street and outside world to survive from a young age. Salvaging expired pineapple can, doing odd jobs and catching fishes from the river has been his childhood.

As an young adult he work as an unlicensed cab driver and sale man selling all kinds of stuff, bee hoon, shampoo, candles etc. His vehicle of choice is a van so that he can sell more. Because he had a van, a friend asked him to help fetched a Malaysian friend whom came to Singapore to work in the factory. This Malaysian friend is one hot young lady from Taiping (Malaysia).  They fell in love and got married. They work really hard for life and produced 4 kids.

He has been a responsible, faithful and hard working man for his wife, children and family. He is passionate about life and is proud of his own achievement in health and wealth. He enjoys dispensing his street smart learning to all. Diligent is his strong trait, in pursue of good health he will drive in the wee hours to climb a hill daily. In pursue of good wealth he will work 15 hours daily and 363 days a year.

After his wife pass on 7 years ago, he went into a depressive grieve. His heart and body deteriorated ever since then. He used to dispense tough love but his action always leave a trace of his sweetness to his family. Even in his weaken state he is always worried about his children’s well being.

He is my dad.

I never seems to be affectionately close to him, I guess I felt intimidated by him. I felt the benchmark he set for me is too tough for me, in a sense it killed a part of me. Hence the distance grows due to my fear of standing under his shadow.

These 2 years as his body deteriorated, our distance grew nearer as there is no more shadow scaring me away. I am glad that it have been this way as I start to feel his love that I have not experience before. The image of a scene 2 weeks before his departure resurfaces in my mind. He was in the hospital bed and I was standing beside it. He suddenly do a throwing motion at me and said “hold the baton, I am dying”. It is only now that I understand the meaning of it. It is his acceptance & acknowledgement of me. My part that have been killed have been revived.

 

Dad thank you for everything.

I am sorry for not living your expectation. Please forgive me.

I love you and hope that you depart to a much better place.

 

Addiction

holy
blade of unentanglement

 

Life is build upon needs. Physical needs, emotional needs and spiritual needs are all needs for a soul to manifest fully for its earthly experience. As needs are integral to life, one is bind to their needs and so to life itself. The binding is so strong that one will be overwhelmingly addicted to much or all of our needs.

Addiction to our needs is necessary but at the same time may create unnecessary suffering. If one’s true needs is the first layer then the addiction to our needs is another second layer covering the first layer. There are also addiction that is used to cover up one’s fear or undesirable needs which is the third layer. All these layers distance one from one’s true needs.

Fear usually lead one to use other addiction to numb oneself from a need deprivation. An example will be sexual needs that cannot be expressed due to the fear of shame and embarrassment. One may use alcohol or food to numb ourself from the deprive sexual needs. As the initial sex need deprivation goes into an overdrive mode so will the alcohol or food binge, leading to heavy addiction to alcohol or food binge. This bring unnecessary suffering of the side effects of over consumption and bringing one further away from the truth or origin of the problem.

Addiction can be to anything. Addicted to be alone, to be accompanied, to eat, to drink, to numb, to feel powerful, to feel stupid, to feel smart, to hide, to be ballsy. to be love, to be unloved etc etc. When there is a compulsion to do something constantly and slowing down or stopping is very difficult, that is an addiction.

When one untangle an addiction one releases a bondage and lead oneself nearer to our truth.

I used to believe that 3 meals a day and exercising regularly gives one a healthy and efficient body. I was so addicted to this that I tirelessly exercise intensively and eat religiously for years. This does enable me to have to healthy and strong body but the work to maintain this is so much and so tiring. It is so difficult to maintain using this forceful approach. One fine day I just decide that this does not make sense and seek an alternative approach. I started eating so much lesser and stop exercising regularly. The result is amazing, my body became lean and healthy and I actually does not feel hungry with much lesser food. I started to realised that our body do not need so much food and exercise to maintain its healthy and efficient level. By eating based on society standard is in fact giving our body more problem then protection. By exercising extensively we are forcing our body to be stronger then it need to be. My new approach to body wellness is more gentle to my body and mind, the simplicity of it untangled my addiction to social norm on body wellness.

With the unentanglement of this addiction, a new found peace of surrendering my addiction ‘to control my body’. Allowing it to be itself is to respect it as itself. Just allow.

 

Ocean of Compassion

holy
Strength Of Compassion

 

Journeying with compassion is like sailing through an ocean. Sometimes it is plain and peaceful, many other times it can be stormy and traumatic. To take care of others feelings and vulnerability with utmost politeness and sensitivity so as not to trigger them is one kind of compassion. I call this soft compassion. Being compassionate can many a times also trigger the other’s vulnerability. With clarity and wisdom this is a necessary evil.

Imagine a young child whom is curious about sticking his/her fingers into the edge of a door. One can understand that the young child maybe unable to comprehend the danger of this act. For the sake of the young child learning it the hard and dangerous way, one need to warn him/her. Children as children, they are always fearless in exploring the world. One may need to discipline them in a stronger way so as it will instil fear of their possibly dangerous act. This process may trigger fear and pain in the child but this is also out of compassion. Delivering this compassion may require firm and hard stances. I call this hard compassion.

Soft and hard delivery of compassion is the duality of approaching the ocean of compassion. The art of the types of delivery for that moment is usually based on the clarity, wisdom and strength of the giver. In the drawing where the Goddess of Mercy is sailing through the ocean. Above the water it is just her pure compassionate light and clarity. Below the water is her strength and wisdom symbolises by her dragon. With all these elements she is able to sail through the vast ocean under all weather condition emanating compassion. Hence journey on compassion is never easy, but through the journey one is being groom on clarity, wisdom and strength.

A recent experience of being a caretaker of a suffering immobile love ones  brought me through the journey of sailing from soft compassion to hard compassion. The transition from the plain quiet sea to the raging stormy ocean of compassion certainly tested my limits and breaking down at times. As a giver of compassion and caretaker of the suffering the first compassion have to be to ourself. When the stress is too much, stop, slow down and ground ourself to regain our clarity.

Always be compassionate to ourself when we are unable to journey through. It is okay to stop first to regain our bearing and only when we are ready then move on. The compassionate journey always starts from ourself. Through the journey our clarity, wisdom and strength will be groom and chiseled to emanate more in the journey of compassion.

Love yourself. 🙂

 

Survival

holy
primal showdown

 

Yesterday evening I  pack a wonderfully done cheesy mushroom omelette to a reservoir as dinner. When I reach, the sunset is so beautiful that I had to take a photo of it. I placed my dinner bag on a bench and started to take sunset shots. Suddenly I heard someone searching through my bag holding my dinner. I turn and saw a alpha male macaque. I immediately jolt forward to snatch back my dinner. The macaque was shock for a split second and started growling and charge towards me for its dinner.

I swing my bag to whack it away. It  evaded my attack and retreated. I give chase to scare it away but after retreating near its macaque gang. It turn around and charged towards me again. I had to swing my bag violently at it to halt its move.

Then it stop to hold its ground and glare menacingly at me. We are merely a meter apart.  That intense moment kind of triggered my fight or flight response. No compassion nothing, it is just about survival. I held my ground and started glaring menacingly back at it all ready to deliver a deadly punch at it, should it pounce on me.  Our stare lasted for the longest 2 seconds. Then I turn berserk and did a huge primal roar and lunging a step forward at the same time.

This time it retreated back to the safety of the nearest bushes in double quick time. My guess is that my acoustic display of superiority have shook some sense into it. Animal survival 101 – never fight 1 to 1 with a bigger animal. A sense of primal victory came over me but that did not last more then 10 seconds because it’s gang of macaque are closing in on me. Realising that I am awfully outnumbered, I took refuge in my car and had my dinner in it. I wasn’t that hungry but I ate every last bit of my cheesy mushroom omelette. It is my winning in my primal fight with a primate. ROAR…… 😛

Looking back this unusually perilous happening seems rather symbolic.

It is about survival and lucky thing is that I won but having to hide my winning from fear of losing it.

Stay & deepen …….

Convergences

holy
converging dragons

Easy times attracts easiness and tough times attracts dragons. A dragon is already quite a handful but when you see more then one converging towards you. Good luck.

There is always a treasure that a dragon is guarding and they will be aggressively protecting it. So in seeing that the dragons are converging towards you, you must be near the treasure that they are guarding. For one to see converging dragons, one must be on a path towards a great treasure. When one is ready for the quest, one will see it.

To be able to slay the dragons means you have overcome your fear of it and gain the courage on your treasure.

To be defeated by the dragons means that one is still not ready for the treasure yet.

Good Luck 🙂