A knowing of duality and the balance in life just flows through me. Tai chi is about duality and the balance of the 2 extremes. As in life when one is engulf by the energy of huge sadness, the opposite energy which is huge happiness will flow through to compensate and bring one back to a balance state of being. Energy is never about time or duration, it is about the quantity of it.
2 examples came into mind. One that is laden with sad energy through life may at deathbed be awaken with extreme happiness because one is going to be released. One that is laden with happy energy through life may at deathbed awaken with extreme sadness because of one’s addiction to the good life. Duality is a function of life that brings all life back to a balance state. Equilibrium felt like the state of Zen. If all experiences of life be it pleasant or unpleasant to one is to be experienced truly then it is a conscious journey.
I don’t know why this knowing suddenly came through me this moment. But it certainly brings a sense of peace and grounding to me.
Clarity is such a beautiful word. The path towards it does not seems as beautiful for now. As awareness starts to increase all the usual small stuff turns into a gigantic one. Its like observing a small cut under a microscope. Usually the pain felt so small that you forget about it in a while. But once it is under a microscope, the cut can look so horrifying that it induces massive fear, guilt and pain. And together with the critics that pounced in for the free slaughter, it seems like fear, pain, guilt and all the shadow parts is having an al fresco party. Ouch…………….
All my sanity went for the cover when moment like this happen. Imagine it is like the government declaring a no law day, all the murderers, thieves, rapist and bullies just come to enjoy their deeds in broad day light. The normal citizen of the country will be living their darkest moment of their life.
I seems to be hitting this point in life. Words, communication and even a feeling exchange can trigger me in such a sense. Today I was triggered again and I kind of just fell into a swimming pool of dark and sticky water of pain. I know the reason, I know why, I know deeply that it is my ego going into a defensive mood. But my clarity on it amplify not only the problem but also on the hurt. So much so that I am deactivated from my own sane self. The only sanely act I could muster up is to stop all external communication and tune in for the moment before I create an unintended external mess.
Ouch……………………………………………….but I do see the reason for this to be happening but I still ouch ……………………………………………………………………. :”(
I saw this vision of an artist drawing with a cobra behind him without his knowing. He is drawing himself whom is also drawing himself into perpetuity. When I had it drawn out, my first thought of this drawing is about manifestation.
Historically, serpents and snakes represent fertility or a creative life force. As snakes shed their skin through sloughing, they are symbols of rebirth, transformation, immortality, and healing. The ouroboros is a symbol of eternity and continual renewal of life. As quoted from google.
More knowing came awhile writing this. The artist inside the drawing has no idea of the cobra behind him, hence the cobra is a symbol. Awhile he is manifesting a new life with his drawings, the cobra represents the process of death and rebirth that he have to undergo for this manifestation. The meaning of the artist drawing himself which also drawing himself is about the perpetuity of the change in all level of life. From the micro to the macro of being.
Happily grimacing in pain in the wake of death and the labour of my birth. :s
Being aware of my current plastic state is an awakening phase. But facing the truth within is my journey of self acceptances and lesson of grooming courage to face my truth.
A simple situation below has created a huge battle of owning, holding and living with how I truly felt.
When my cleaner suddenly text me that she is raising her rates a day before coming, I felt angry that her ways of informing makes me felt force. My ego felt that her demand rates are much above her work required hence I felt cheated but continues with her anyway as it is so last minute. Clearly I can see that she have her rights to demand what she feels deserving but I just could not get through my feelings of being cheated. My old ways of being is to sweep all my negative emotion under my plastic carpet and the world is rosy again for us all. This time I did not allow myself my old ways of operation. I allow the cheated emotion to raised within me, get to know it’s root and seeing a way to live with it. This was not easy for me as my aura of this anger seems to affect my cleaner and I can see that she is affected much by it. As much as I did not enjoy the air of anger between us, I held on to be in sync with what is truthfully real in me.
It has been 2 weeks after that and my cleaner came again today. There is still some uneasiness in our air space but I suddenly realised that I have been more authentic with myself. A new found respect for the courage to stand in my truth.
Met with frustration – Have the courage to move on – Seek for more suitable condition – Gaining nourishment – Creative expression – Enjoyment with life. This are the steps to a creative U turn.
In Life there are always challenges. Meeting the challenges directly with no turning back usually kills one’s creativity. Having the courage to move on and seeking for a greener pasture may provide the nourishment needed for expressing one’s creativity. Hence allowing one to enjoy our own creative joy.
Mistakes are part of life and Courage is the flexible energy that allows infinite possibilities. Mistakes + Courage = Joy of life.
Haze caused so much inconvenient for all from health hazard to economy stalling due to disruption of the economy humming. From the effects of the haze to the environment I can see how inner haze can totally turn me blind to my true self. As much as I want to act from the real me, the haze within creates illusions in order to calm my fear of blindness. Hence I can truly be called a blind man.
3 man and a elephant is a famous story that shows the perception of all the blind man to a elephant. All the blind man are right in their own perspective about the elephant that they have not seen. All have a partial truth but not the total truth. Life is such that one’s perspective is true to one’s own experiences. But one is blind to other’s perspective, hence a blind communicating with another blind is truly a blind communication. The communication may not truly make a truthful sense.
In the pursue for true communication, one have to be first aware of one’s state of blindness then be aware of other’s blindness before true meaningful communication can flow. 8)
A sudden pain that strikes inside my head. There is just no way I could ignore it or pretend that it is not there. The intensity of it demystified any illusion I had at that moment. The power of pain shine truth through any self illusion. It’s a sign that it is something one have to focus on at that moment. Automatically both my hands cover my forehead instinctively. I didn’t ask of them to do it but they did it anyway with a mind of their own.
This is the OMG (Oh My God) points where our body try to soothes itself of the pain it is experiencing. Relieving the pain is of utmost importance. It is only when the the pain is gone and we are at a state of balance can we start sensing into the root of that pain. The pain is the signal to indicate that something has bring our system out of balance. It is of utmost importances to trace down to the root cause to resolve it. Because unresolved root cause will manifest bigger and create a bigger signal and eventually bring us to a state where balance may become almost impossible.
Hence OMG is our friendly forces which we usually meet in pain. 🙂
Inspired by the Temple of Carnelian – Entering the fierce belly of Sekhmet.
Upon entering the temple there is no return. Inside the temple there are no ground or ceiling it is just a vast space in all direction of infinite distance. There is no way for one to stay still in one location for a second, every moment raging fireball is flying in all direction blazing anything in it’s path to ashes. On the wall of perpetuity there is a gigantic engrave mural of Sekhmet.
Blessed with my wings of speed, godly endurance and abilities I flew straight up the temple ceiling escaping from Sekhmet giant mural. No fireball have the speed to even touch me. I flew and flew and flew for the longest of time but there is just no meeting of the ceiling or anything else. I stop and the next moment i realised Sekhmet’s giant mural appear on the wall in front of me. Then hundreds of fireball catches up with me.
I dodge them easily and flew all the way left again racing away from the Sekhmet’s giant mural. Again i flew and flew and flew for even longer a time. There is end to this direction. The moment i stop for a breather, Sekhmet’s giant mural appear on the wall in front of me again. Then hundreds of fireball catches up with me again.
I dodge them easily and flew all the way down again racing away from the Sekhmet’s giant mural. Again i flew and flew and flew for even longer a time. There is end to this direction. The moment i stop for a breather, Sekhmet’s giant mural appear on the wall in front of me again. Then hundreds of fireball catches up with me again.
I dodge them easily and flew all the way right again racing away from the Sekhmet’s giant mural. Again i flew and flew and flew for even longer a time. There is end to this direction. The moment i stop for a breather, Sekhmet’s giant mural appear on the wall in front of me again. I am so tired and sick of struggling to escape and evading to find my way out. I shout at Sekhmet’s giant mural, “What do you want?” The next moment Sekhmet came to live from the giant mural and reply “WHAT DO YOU WANT?”
I realised the struggling to escape is my way of evading the challenges I am facing. I see thousands of fireball heading towards me in all direction at this moment. I have decided to take them on, I braced my courage and hold my grounds.
The blazing explosion of Sekhmet’s thousand of fireball created a sound so loud that I cant hear a thing, created a light so bright that I cant see a thing, created the fire so hot that I cant feel a thing.
The next moment I found myself at a peaceful and beautiful grassland with the most soothing sunshine gracing on life. The Baptism of fire created a new found peace from my new found courage. 🙂
Being critic is one of the integral aspect of life. Since birth we have been critic by parents, siblings, relatives, caretakers, friends, teacher, colleague, boss or even strangers consciously or unconsciously. Every time we are being critic we form a solution or evolve current solution to protect ourselves from the hurt and attack.
The solution that we create is in the form of an inner critic part that judges us before the external world come down on us. It may seems like a clever solution but the problem is that as this inner critic part live with us through life. We slowly forget about it but it is still working in our background. Imagine a kid being scolded and punished by his parents for playing in the garden and getting his clothes dirty, if this forms an inner critic in him he may never be able to appreciate nature in the truest sense. And he may also not know why he hates the outdoor. It kind of rob his life experiences away.
There are many types of inner critic like pusher, controller, comparer, saboteur, destroyer, guilt tripper, perfectionist, conformist etc.
Everyday some form of sadness, worry, fear and pain creep into us suddenly without our conscious knowing. Sometimes they snowball into a big one and ruin our day in a huge way. Most of these occurrences could be the nifty work of our inner critics. It can be such a torment as we truly can run but cannot hide from them.
We cant escape from it but we certainly could learn, understand and resolve it with compassion one step at a time.
Ever notice a part of our self dying away for a second, a day, a year or forever? As we shift from one phase to the next phase in life some parts of us die away during the transition. It is just because their time of demise has reached. But many a times due to addiction to familiarity one cling on to the dying part. That creates a zombie out of that part and of us. Going through life in that zombie parts rob us of our truest experiential potential and ability to express our truest to the world.
The thing is that when a part dies it give birth to an opportunity for a new part that is more suited for the current phase. In a sense, it is cruel to disallow our part to die naturally and clinging on to the addiction to it. Creating a zombie of ourself felt like self cruelty. Love ourself and allow nature to take its course.
After death comes rebirth of a more evolve self. Self Love is nature’s way.
